What your favorite Super Smash Bros character says about YOU!

I have way too much fun writing these. I should be doing something important, like working on my novel, but I can't stop myself. It's nice to be able to joke around something, though I am afraid I will have to start delving into more obscure topics fairly soon.

Today I share What your favorite Super Smash Bros Character says about YOU. For the unaware, Smash Bros is a fighting game starring video game icons pulled from an ever expanding list of the best games the industry has to offer. The series is the brainchild of Masahiro Sakurai, who is one of the most well-respected and talented game designers in the world (he's a pretty big deal in the gaming community). I will only do characters that are in the series officially, and if any characters are added in after I publish this post, they will not be covered initially. Also, only playable characters will be covered. Assists and cameos will be ignored. And as always, all of the descriptions are meant for comedic purposes only, and are in no way intended to offend anybody.

Mario: You can never stop moving, ever. Like a shark.... But more Italian.

Donkey Kong: *singing* You're the leader of the bunch, everybody knows you well! You're finally back, to kick some tail! Your coconut guns can fire in spurts! If you hit somebody, it's gonna hurt! DK! Donkey Kong! DK! Donkey Kong is Here!

Link: You have both an irrational fear of chickens, and an irrational hatred of ancient pottery.

Samus: You are both an Iron Man fan and a Mandalorian fan. You just wish she got a move set more faithful to her series.

Dark Samus: You shop at Hot Topic.

Yoshi: Your favorite movie is A Land Before Time.

Kirby: You take the phrase, "You are what you eat" a little bit too seriously.

Fox McCloud: You still think "Do a Barrel Roll!" jokes are funny.

Pikachu: You just got in to Super Smash Bros so you default to the one character society collectively recognizes... Or you like using the luchador costume and making WWE jokes.

Luigi: You've always had to play second fiddle to your older siblings, despite being better than them at everything.

Ness: You never heard of Earthbound until after playing as him in Smash Bros. Now you wish Nintendo would make more Earthbound games.

Captain Falcon: You are the unholy fusion of Chuck Norris and All Might from My Hero Academia.

Jigglypuff: You're one rough, tough puff.

Princess Peach: You have broken your fingers just to do a neat combo you saw on YouTube one time.

Princess Daisy: You prefer the tomboy-flavored version of Peach.

Bowser: You wish he had his cartoony voice like in the main Mario games, instead of those freaky roars.

Ice Climbers: You believe that Teamwork Makes the Dream Work.

Sheik: You watch way too much Naruto. 

Zelda: You always play as an Elf in Dungeons & Dragons. Usually a Wizard.

Dr. Mario: You never really wanted to be a doctor, but your parents forced you to go to medical school, so you might as well put that education to use.

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Pichu: You're better than everyone else at the game, and you haven't even used 10% of your true power.

Falco Lombardi: Personally, you prefer the air. You also may or may not be from Brooklyn.

Marth: You studied Historical European Martial Arts.

Lucina: Your favorite movie series is Back to the Future.

Young Link: You drink a tall, cold glass of milk once a day, every day. Pray that you aren't lactose intolerant.

Ganondorf: You take credit for other people's hard work, and change around just enough stuff to avoid getting in trouble for it.

Mewtwo: You watch way too much Dragon Ball Z.

Roy: You eat a disproportionately large amount of spicy food.

Chrom: Matt Mercer is your Spirit Animal.

Mr. Game & Watch: You probably weren't even born when Mr. Game & Watch was created. But if you were, I salute you.

Meta Knight: You prefer the edge lord-flavored version of Kirby.

Pit: You're a good Christian boy.

Dark Pit: You're... Not a good Christian boy.

Zero Suit Samus: You get strangely defensive when people assume you have a crush on her... Which is usually a sign that you have a crush on her.

Wario: You have a juvenile sense of humor.

Solid Snake: You worship Hideo Kojima and believe he can do no wrong. If someone says a quote from literally any Metal Gear game, you will proceed to reenact the whole dang series.

Ike: You liked Fire Emblem before it was cool. You also probably had to pay $300 just to play the game he stars in.

Pokemon Trainer: You couldn't make up your mind on which Starter Pokemon you like most, so you tried to pick all three.

Diddy Kong: You're a funky monkey.

Lucas: You cried when you played MOTHER 3. That or you like playing as a less annoying version of Ness.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Your favorite comic book superhero is The Flash.

King Dedede: You've made it your mission in life to CLOBBEH DAT DERE KIRBY!!! ...Or you're Masahiro Sakurai himself.

Olimar: You're a professional gardener.

Lucario: You have the power of Arceus and Anime on your side.

ROB: You think he looks a lot like WALL-E. You're not wrong.

Toon Link: Your favorite cartoon is Steven Universe. And Adventure Time. And Regular Show. And The Amazing World of Gumball. And Gravity Falls. And Star VS the Forces of Evil. Actually, fans of these shows kinda bleed into each other, don't they?

Wolf O'Donnell: On all levels except physical, you are a wolf.

Villager: You watch a lot of slapstick cartoons like Loony Tunes and Tom & Jerry. Now you know how to turn the most mundane objects into weapons of mass destruction.

Mega Man: You laugh at Samus fans because YOUR favorite character got a lore-accurate move set while all Samus fans get are three attacks (in the entire move set) that actually come from Metroid. I'm not jealous you're jealous.

Wii Fit Trainer: Ironically, you don't exercise that much. You just like playing as her because the mere thought of a fitness instructor beating the crab-cakes out of the likes of Ganondorf, Samus, and Solid Snake is hilarious to you.

Rosalina & Luna: You're an astrologist. Or you think Rosalina looks like Elsa from Frozen. 

Little Mac: You jam out to the training montage music from Rocky while you exercise. You may or may not be a fan of One Punch Man.

Greninja: You prefer the frog legs-flavored version of Sheik.

Mii Fighters: You're salty that your most wanted character hasn't made it in the game officially yet so you try to recreate them using the Mii Fighter customization system.

Palutena: If your boss was as lovable and charismatic as Palutena is, you would never want to leave work. You may or may not 'ship her with Pit.

PAC-MAN: You get praise for being a super genius, but you never know what you are doing and kind of just hope that the problem works itself out through sheer dumb luck.

Robin: Your favorite novel series/ movie franchise is Harry Potter.

Shulk: You've realized that Shulk is the closest thing we are ever going to get to having a Jedi Knight in Smash Bros.

Bowser Jr.: You're still trying to convince all your friends that Super Mario Sunshine is the best Mario game.

Duck Hunt: You are the living personification of chaos itself. You don't subscribe to good or evil, for such basic ideologies are too simple-minded for your grand ambitions. You care not if the world ends, if humanity is swallowed whole by its own hubris, or if there is intelligent life out there amongst the stars. All that matters to you is mocking and belittling those who have yet to be become broken and cynical like yourself. ...Or you like funny dogs. Either one.

Ryu: "I know Kung Fu." - A Ryu fan. Probably.

Ken: "Then show me." - A Ken fan talking to a Ryu fan. Probably.

Cloud Strife: You always wanted to learn how to speak Japanese.

Corrin: You think Girl!Corrin is super cute, and constantly forget that Boy!Corrin exists.

Bayonetta: You watched Bayonetta go from the best character in the game (competitively), to the worst character in the game, and you're willing to stay with her because you have a crush on her you adore her series that much. You're also secretly rooting for 2B from Nier Automata to get in the game, so you can have the ultimate goth girl showdown of ultimate goth girl destiny.

Inkling: You played way too much paintball, and ate way too much calamari. Now you have the powers of a creature that is not just a kid, but also a squid.

Ridley: You jam out to the Skyrim soundtrack while doing chores around the house.

Simon Belmont: *singing* And they hear you say "HEYYEAYAAAYEAYEAAAEYEAH! HEYYEAAAEYAY!" You said "Hey!" What's going on!?

Richter Belmont: "You may have outsmarted me, but I outsmarted your outsmarting!" - A Richter fan, probably.

King K. Rool: You Are Number One! *trumpet intensifies*

Isabelle: You enjoy the simple things in life. Fishing, gardening, literature, cooking, beating the crab-cakes out of demons, and home design. You're also secretly rooting for the Doom Slayer to get in the game, so you can have the cutesiest video game character in existence team up with the manliest video game character in existence.

Incineroar: AND YOUR NAME IS JOHN CENA(roar)!!!

Piranha Plant: You're not just a dirty meme-lord, you're A MEAN GREEN MOTHER FROM OUTTA SPACE, and you're bad!

Joker: You wish you were as classy and lovable as Joker. You also get weirdly defensive when people mistake him for the Batman villain of the same name, even though the two have nothing in common otherwise. Insert "You'll Never See it Coming!" joke.

Hero: You're a Shakespearean theater kid... Who secretly loves anime.

Banjo & Kazooie: You are one of five people on the planet that still listens to country music.

Terry Bogard: The only way you could have possibly known Terry existed prior to his inclusion in Smash Bros was because you took a trip to Brazil.

Byleth: You're a teacher. Or that kid that got perfect grades across the board. 

Literally Any ARMS Character: You know those wavy mascots? The ones with the tube arms that flail about? That's you when Nintendo adds an ARMS character in.

And that'll do it. What your Favorite Super Smash Bros character says about YOU. Before anyone asks, my personal favorites would have to be Byleth, Samus and Inkling (I like ranged fighters). Anyway, if my (mostly) harmless jokes made you laugh or smile, then I did my job right. Take care, dear Internet person.