Ah, Halloween. The one holiday that gets regularly compared to Christmas due to being the two holidays people take seriously, as well as the fact they're practically next to each other on the Calendar (no, Thanksgiving doesn't count). …Actually there's not much difference the two holidays. Both involve decorating and dressing yourself up to match a theme, and rewarding/being rewarded treats and presents. But there's something strangely magical about Halloween, the costumes, the candy, the parties, all of it comes together for a delightfully spooky (or depending on your social circle, nerdy) time. But say there's something in the world right now that makes social gatherings... Difficult... Those parties are now harder to maintain. Or maybe all is right in the world, but you want to celebrate the spooky time in peace. Well then do I have the perfect guide for you, on how to enjoy the Eve of Hallows like a boss. A Spooky, Nerdy Boss.
First step to enjoying Halloween like a (nerdy) boss, watch The Nightmare Before Christmas. And then watch it again on Christmas. Or really any time of the year. No, I'm not biased just because Nightmare Before Christmas happens to be my favorite Disney film. It's the perfect Halloween film, and yes, I do consider it a Halloween film first, and a Christmas film second. Why? Because it's about Jack Skellington, the king of Halloween, trying to make his own scarier version of Christmas, rather than Santa Claus making his own happier version of Halloween. But anyway, once you finish watching it, be sure to jam out to the all the songs from the film, especially This is Halloween.
Next up, get yourself a Final Fantasy XIV account. Why, you ask? Because that game's Glamour system means you get to make your own Halloween costumes for your character, obviously! (I mean, it's also a pretty awesome MMORPG with 200+ hours of content to play around with, but that's not what we're here for). Plus, Final Fantasy XIV also had an actual Halloween-themed Event that upon completion, got you a bunch of Halloween-themed prizes. This game is like the best way to make virtual Halloween costumes, which is totally what Naoki Yoshida had in mind when he saved this game from certain doom seven years ago.
After that, you take your spooky levels up to the next level. That's right, you must now play through the entire Soulsborne series. Beginning with Demon's Souls, all the way to Dark Souls III. You can throw Sekiro: Shadows Dies Twice in here as well (despite it's radical changes in both game design and storytelling style), since it was also made by the From Software team, and continues the tradition of From Software games being disproportionately difficult at the beginning and gradually getting easier as you get used to the mechanics. Because From Software believes very much in the concept of tough love. But anyway, given the Gothic Horror aesthetic every game in this series runs with, literally every outfit you wear in any of these games could pass for a Halloween costume. Also, if you want to make a Haunted House, you can use most of the music from the games to set up a foreboding atmosphere. Just remember to Praise the Sun while seeking out souls, okay? Pursue Strength so the rest may follow, and Don't Give Up, Skeleton!
But we can take the spooky levels even further beyond. Invite some friends over, teach them how to play Dungeons & Dragons, and when you all have the basics down, run the pre-written adventure Curse of Strahd. It's a spooky, horror themed adventure where the party is trapped in a freaky nightmare world where they are continually harassed by the titular Vampire King, as the party looks for a way to escape their predicament. Unless one of your players' characters came into the aforementioned nightmare world voluntarily for whatever reason (for revenge, for solitude, for science, etc.), in which case you can adjust the story as needed. I've also been told that Icewind Dale: Rime of the Frostmaiden is pretty spooky as well, though that adventure's big thing is a spooky winter, rather than a spooky vampire. Just pick whichever one piques the interest of your group more.
BUT WE CAN TAKE THE SPOOKY LEVELS EVEN FURTHER!!! Invite your friends (preferably the ones you ran Curse of Strahd with) over to binge-watch the entirety of Goosebumps. Bonus points if you have kids, so you can show them the episode with Slappy the Living Dummy and traumatize them for years to come. …That may or may not be based on an incident with my own childhood. Or you can read the books written by R. L. Stine. Either way works. Just make sure a child gets traumatized by the end of it (NOTE: don't actually traumatize a child, that's mean).
BUT WE CAN GO EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!! Steve from Minecraft was recently added to Super Smash Bros Ultimate as a DLC character (side note: STEVE FROM MINECRAFT IS IN THE BIGGEST FIGHTING GAME OF ALL TIME NOW, THIS IS THE CRAZY TIMELINE WE LIVE IN), and one of his alternate costumes is a Zombie costume. The only correct thing to do is have a 7vs1 Team Battle against a bunch of Zombie!Steves set to the highest difficulty possible, and see how long you can survive the zombie apocalypse. Bonus Points if you have Ridley team up with the Zombie!Steves. Because Ridley is an undead dragon. FROM SPACE!!! Extra Bonus Points if you play as Simon or Richter Belmont, because they come from a family of demon hunters who literally kill undead monsters for a living.
BUT WE CAN GET EVEN SPOOKIER!!! Stroll on up to your local GameStop (or equivalent store), pick up literally any horror game, and play the crab-cakes out of it. Maybe try speed-running it. I can confirm out of all the "Pro-Gamer Moves" to celebrate Halloween, this is the one that actually works. How do I know this? Because I literally strolled up to my local GameStop (or equivalent store), picked up a random horror game, and started playing that a bunch. In my case it was Bendy and The Ink Machine, a Puzzle-Horror game inspired by 30's era cartoons. It's a highly enjoyable game with a lovely art style, creepy atmosphere, and a unique story about the dangers of business mismanagement and putting your employees in dangerous, life threatening situations just because you were too greedy and started cutting corners. But anyway, you don't need to grab Bendy and the Ink Machine specifically. Like I said, literally any horror game will do. Slender: The Arrival? Check. Five Nights at Freddy's? Perfectly reasonable. Little Nightmares? Go for it.
Now I know what you're thinking. "Gee, Spencer, we've gotten pretty spooky for Halloween, there's no way we can possibly get the spookiness levels to go any higher, right?" And to that I say, there is one last thing we can do, to engage our spooky Maximum Overdrive, and achieve Peak Spookiness. What is that, you ask?
Yes. You gotta listen to Silly Symphony: The Skeleton Dance. Or, as the Internet prefers to call it, the "Spooky Scary Skeletons" song. But you have to listen to this song. Regardless of the situation. Driving to the store to pick up groceries? You gotta blast the Spooky Scary Skeletons song. Going to work? You gotta jam out to Spooky Scary Skeletons. Writing a comedic guide on the nerdiest possible ways to celebrate a holiday about being spooky? There is no reason NOT to listen to this song. (real talk, this is actually a good song).
And there's the step by step guide on how to celebrate Halloween in the nerdiest, spookiest way possible. Don't forget to make a costume, and decorate at least one room in your house with spooky things like Jack-Oh-Lanterns and fake skeletons. Your Welcome.
P.S. In case you haven't realized it yet, this whole thing is meant to be a comedic joke. You don't need to do all these things to have a good time. The only real advice I can give is make sure you and your friends are having fun, because that is ultimately what's most important for any kind of festivity, not just Halloween. Either way, enjoy this spooky time of year and may your Eve of Hallows be a ghoulishly good time.
