Every Star Wars Movie, Ranked!

I like Star Wars. Most people like Star Wars. Why people like Star Wars varies from person to person. Some like the campy, nostalgic feel of the Original Trilogy, some like the world building and ambition of the Prequel Era, and some just like the fun factor and production quality of the Sequels. But as all fans of a cool thing are wont to do, we must rank them to find the best and worst Star Wars films. Some things to note before we begin. This is all only an opinion. As such, I do hold some bias towards some films purely because of my personal attachment to them. Second, we're only covering theatrical films. Video games, comic books, novels, cartoon series, and other such spin offs are excluded. Frankly they deserve their own ranking, but that's a blog post for another time. So let's begin what surely won't start arguments, ranking Every Star Wars Movie ever!

In dead last we have The Star Wars Holiday Special. What? You thought I would put Last Jedi here? Well too bad, I need a joke entry to balance out the serious over-analysis, and there's a Star Wars out there so bad that all but the most hardcore fans even know it even exists. And for good reason! Between the impromptu musical numbers, bizarrely animated cartoon segments, and and a plot pulled right out of a bad He-Man episode, this film is so laughably awful that the only real reason you should watch it is just to see how bad it is. At least it gave us the image of Chewbacca's dad playing a VR dating sim. That was a thing that nobody needed, but hey, they delivered it anyway. And to really give you an idea how terrible this thing is, George Lucas himself openly disliked it, calling it (among other things) "a mistake to learn from." Though, to be fair, this was the only Star Wars media that Lucasfilm never made themselves, or even oversaw its development (it was made by a small team who "specializes" in Direct-to-DVD movies), and it shows.

I have not seen Solo: A Star Wars Story. Opinions on it vary. Some people find it to be a nice homage to Westerns (which was one of the two genres that most inspired George Lucas), other find it to be pointless pandering trying to cash in on one of the most popular supporting characters of all time, Han Solo. Personally, I never watched it because the film's existence is, in my eyes, pointless. Han Solo was a character that was supposed to be interpreted as cool and suave. A charismatic bad boy, if you will. He is the quintessential example of the Lovable Rogue archetype. Part of what makes the archetype work is that you don't know how the Rogue in question came into that lifestyle. They make great supporting characters and rivals for the protagonist, but rarely, if ever pull of the role of protagonist well themselves (not saying its impossible, but it is difficult). Showing Han's origin story is something that runs counter to his archetype. Once the audience knows how the Rogue is like, or how they started out, they instantly lose the mystery and charm that makes the archetype work. Additionally, Han already had a large amount of character development and growth in the Original Trilogy, so any potential plot threads or character arcs established here are doomed to rot because we know that Han giving up his smuggler life to become a war hero is a Foregone Conclusion. Given that I have a Disney Plus account, there's nothing stopping me from watching Solo. But the question is, do I want to? The film will always run the risk of retroactively worsening such an iconic character. Of course, this is less me harping on it for the sake of it and more me expressing my displeasure for prequels starring pre-established characters. In my opinion, prequels in general should focus on a brand-new cast in the same universe to flesh it out more. Hence why I like Fantastic Beasts. That is, in my eyes, a prequel done right. It ties into and fleshes out the Harry Potter universe, but focuses on brand new characters, letting it stand on its own.

My least favorite of the main nine films that make up The Skywalker Saga would be Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. Honestly there isn't that stands out about this movie. I mean why, its the movie where Anakin says "I don't like sand" but the only reason that even stands out is because of the goofier side of the fan community turning everything Anakin says or does into a meme format. By itself, it's honestly the most forgettable. It's nowhere near as bad as The Holiday Special. In fact, I'd say that while it is forgettable, it is, at least, an inoffensive film with some redeeming qualities. Namely Ewan McGregor stealing the show as young Obi-Wan Kenobi and being the first film where we see just how powerful Grand Master Yoda can be when in combat. But those redeeming qualities cannot really save a film that honestly feels more like set up for Revenge of the Sith than trying to be a good movie by itself.

Oh boy, here we go. I do not like Episode VIII: The Last Jedi. There, I said it. Though my feelings on the film are complicated. Last Jedi is a film that is well put together, with brilliant visuals, set pieces, acting and music. So why do I dislike this film? Because the story is filled with so much missed potential that it frustrates me. Again, it does have redeeming qualities. The Hyper-Speed Ram, Rey and Kylo Ren teaming up to fight off Supreme Leader Snoke's personal guards, Luke Skywalker sacrificing himself to let the surviving Resistance escape the First Order, all of that was great. But, and this is a big but, there is a lot of content in the film that feels like it exists to pad out the film's run time. Finn and Rose's trip to the casino to find a hacker to disable the First Order's tracking systems took way too long and just felt boring. And this is supposed to be a Star Wars film! You aren't supposed to feel bored when watching a Star Wars film! Other issues I take with Last Jedi include tonal inconsistency, comedy that feels out of place and anachronistic, a laughably incompetent villainous force, and subverting expectations for shock value, rather than to make the story more interesting. But even with all of these flaws, I do feel it is an average, albeit enjoyable movie.

Ah, Captain Phasma. Cool character, completely wasted. Just
like the rest of The Last Jedi.

 To be frank, I think the main reason I dislike this film as much as I do, is because of the post-release PR being one of the biggest disasters in cinema history. For those curious, Kathleen Kennedy, executive producer of the Sequel Trilogy and current head of Lucasfilm, responded to the controversy Last Jedi caused by accusing the people who disliked the film to be a bunch of misogynistic, bigoted men who feel like their masculinity is being challenged by having a female protagonist (she is of course referring to Rey) in a action-adventure film. Yeah. Even ignoring the fact that she used real-life social politics to deflect any and all criticism, no matter how fair or justified, you don't insult your main fandom and expect them to continue investing in your product. And honestly, in my experience, nobody had a problem with Rey before. But after she made this statement every literary scholar under the sun began breaking down every second of her screen time to explain why Rey exists only to serve as walking feminist propaganda and how she is the textbook definition of a Mary Sue (a Mary Sue is a character that is so impossibly perfect that their mere presence derails the story, usually this is a writing error made when a writer projects their power fantasy onto the character in question). I do realize that yes, the PR incident has nothing to do with the film itself, but it did sour my opinion of it, especially when the community wouldn't stop talking about it.

Remember when people hated Episode 1: The Phantom Menace? I never understood the hate this film got. Yeah, the Midichlorian lore took a lot of the mysticism and wonder out of the Force and yeah, Jar Jar Binks could get annoying at times, but this is the same film that had the epic Pod-Race scene. This is the same film that had Darth Maul, one of the coolest Sith Lords in the Star Wars universe. This is the same film that properly fleshed out the galaxy far, far away. Can you believe that we never saw what the Galactic Republic was like in the Original Trilogy? This film has world-building in SPADES. Needless to say, I actually like Phantom Menace. It's a lot better than people give it credit for. I may be biased because this was the very first Star Wars movie that I ever watched, so nostalgia may be at play here. 

Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker was a film that deserved better. It could have been amazing... Had The Last Jedi not derailed the whole Sequel Trilogy. Rise of Skywalker spent its first 30 or so minutes trying to salvage as much of a functioning narrative as it could without completely retconning Last Jedi. Which was, in my opinion, a mistake, since I feel that either The Last Jedi should get completely retconned, or they should commit to building off of it. But once you get past the first 30 minutes of last-minute story-cramming, it's actually a really fun and enjoyable film. The desert chase was fun. The over-the-top space battle was fun. Heck, even the reveal that Rey is a descendant of Palpatine is fun. Is the film perfect? No, not at all. But it was the best film that J.J. Abrams could have made, given the circumstances that he was put in.

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi is a film that has three very distinct things from that I remember whenever I think about it. First, the Ewoks being weird yet cute at the same time. I actually have a pet cat named Ewok. Second, the final battle between Luke Skywalker (now having fully mastered the way of the Jedi Knight), a redeemed Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine. And finally, Jabba the Hutt's pleasure palace, and his (for lack of a better term) harem of lady aliens, and putting Leia into a bikini. Now keep in mind when I saw this film as a kid I never really thought about it. Little kid Spencer just thought that putting Leia into a bikini was just a thing he did to embarrass and humiliate her. Like a bully pulling your pants down. But now that I'm older, I realized what was really going on with that, and its disgusting. Like, get out the brain bleach levels of disgusting. So thanks, George Lucas. That was a mental image nobody needed. But other than that, Return of the Jedi offers a satisfying conclusion to Luke's journey into heroism and (if you watched the Prequels first like I have) finally gives Darth Vader the redemption and happy ending he's been wanting since the beginning.  

Ah, Episode IV: A New Hope. The original film. Without it, Star Wars would not exist. And it holds up surprisingly well by today's standards. The visuals can be, at times, dated and archaic, and this particular movie has a bit too much Early Installment Weirdness  for my liking(keep in mind I started out with the Prequels, so any inconsistencies in the Original Trilogy stand out more to me). But between the novelty of being the first film, having the signature whimsy and wonder of the series (the one thing that all Star Wars films have, yes, even Last Jedi), and the AMAZING soundtrack, there is a reason why Star Wars has been around as long as it has. And George Lucas used this wonderful cinematic milestone to build an entire universe full of interesting characters, iconic locations, imaginative creatures and technology. The only series that rivals the Star Wars galaxy's world building and scale is Lord of the Rings' Middle-Earth.

"WHAT!? Spencer likes Episode VII: The Force Awakens MORE than A New Hope!? Blasphemy! Hearsay! Witchcraft! Betrayal!" Hear me out, Internet person. While you may feel that A New Hope is a cinematic masterpiece and should be worshiped as the holy grail of movies, and that by suggesting that Force Awakens is better that you have been tricked, deceived, back-stabbed, and quite possibly bamboozled. BUT! This list does have bias by virtue of being a personal ranking. And Force Awakens was actually the the very first Star Wars movie I saw on release day, in cinemas. That was a special memory. Like, I remember, being 17 years old, going into the theater, both excited that we're finally getting some new movies, yet quietly dreading that Disney/J.J. Abrams were going to ruin it forever. The reason I had faith in them at the time was because Disney also owned Marvel, and they have pumping out some fantastic movies, so I hoped the Marvel magic would rub off here. That said, I do acknowledge that Force Awakens has a few problems. It borrows a lot of story beats from A New Hope. And it doesn't use those story beats as elegantly as A New Hope did. It set up a lot of really interesting plot threads, that Last Jedi discarded in favor of doing... Whatever the fudge Rian Johnson was doing. I don't really know. But, even if you ignore how only one of its numerous plot threads and potential story arcs made an impact on the rest of the trilogy, it is still a fun and enjoyable film. That's the main thing about the Sequels. They are fun and enjoyable, but the story telling begins to fall apart if you think about it too much.

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back is, in my opinion, the best of the original three films. It introduced us to Yoda. It saw Luke (and Darth Vader) using the Force in far more dynamic ways (believe it or not, the only Force powers used in A New Hope was Luke passively using the Force to enhance his aiming skills and Darth Vader's signature Force Choke). It saw the beginning of the romance between Han and Leia. It had the AT-AT mecha. It had Luke confronting his fears in the Swamps of Dagobah. It had Han getting frozen in Carbonite. There are so many iconic moments in this one film alone. What makes it better is that in addition to being a great film by itself, it expands upon A New Hope while giving Return of the Jedi plenty to work off of in terms of where the story could go. 

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. This was, for a long time, my favorite Star Wars movie. Featuring Anakin's fall from grace and transformation into one of the most iconic villains of all time. Also featuring the theatrical debut of General Grievous, the coolest minor antagonist in the series. Also, also featuring the best Lightsaber duel in the whole franchise (Yoda vs Palpatine, Vader vs Kenobi). Also, also, also featuring THE BEST SOUNDTRACK IN THE ENTIRE FRANCHISE. Yeah, yeah, yeah, say what you will about Hayden Christensen's acting, but the rest of the film is just, so, GOOD! I have fond memories of watching Revenge of the Sith as a kid, watching and re-watching the final battle. Sometimes I would skip right on over to the final battle. Sometimes I would just watch the scene where Palpatine reveals his true colors to Anakin, and tempts him to the Dark Side with the promise of saving his dying wife. Again, nostalgia is a very powerful and very dangerous thing, so take my opinion of it with a grain of salt.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is by far the best movie Disney has made since they bought Lucasfilm. It also might be the best overall. Maybe. Is it an unnecessary movie? It depends. The entire reason Rogue One exists is to retroactively correct a plot hole with A New Hope. A plot hole that most people were willing to look past. But for me, Rogue One is exactly how a prequel (in any story, not just Star Wars) should be done. Expand upon the original lore and story, but focus on brand-new characters so that don't have to worry about the Foregone Conclusion killing the immersion or ruining the dramatic tension. It helps that this is a very nice looking film, and its now famous end-scene of Vader tearing apart an entire platoon of Rebels by himself serves as a much needed reminder on why everyone is so afraid of the Dark Lord of the Sith. This is on top of portraying the Rebel Alliance as morally ambiguous freedom fighters, with an extremist splinter group giving the rest of the organization a bad reputation. Which I also like, because moral ambiguity makes stories more fun to examine and discuss.

And that'll do it. At least until Disney makes more Star Wars movies. Though honestly I could see them abandoning cinemas and keeping Star Wars hostage on Disney Plus. But who knows? Maybe they'll reveal a trailer for a movie adaptation of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. That would make everyone happy. Even if you don't know what Knights of the Old Republic is. Just know that it's a video game trilogy that Bioware (a video game dev team well known for making epic, story-driven games) made back when they were in their prime. Definitely worth a quick Google.