What your favorite Disney Movie says about YOU!

HA! Did you really think I would stop at Pokemon? Think again, dear Internet person(s). This is just another joke post, but I promise I won't split it up into eight(!) parts, like what happened with the "Favorite Pokemon" series. "But SPENCER!? If you're not gonna talk about Pokemon what are gonna cover!?" Well, as the title literally says, I will share What your favorite Disney Movie says about YOU!

For those of you who live under a rock, Disney is the entertainment company that is slowly taking over the planet with cutthroat business practices and a century's worth of classical stories... That will inevitably get remakes that fail to live up to the prestige that the original films built up over time. *cough cough* Lion King 2019 *cough cough*

The descriptions are meant for comedy only, and are in no way meant to offend anybody. The only films that will be covered are animated ones (read, cartoons), and I will do Live-Action Disney Movies another day. Remakes and sequels will also be ignored, because they (usually) don't differentiate enough from the original to justify an additional description. I'll also be skipping Pixar, because they have made enough movies to justify a whole blog post in and of themselves. That being said, let's begin, shall we?

Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs: You're a fan of Disney's debut film. (Also side note, the fact that they spelled it Dwarfs and not Dwarves bothers me to no end).

Pinocchio: You mustn't tell lies.

Fantasia: You're a theater kid.

Dumbo: This movie is what convinced you never to drink alcohol. EVER.

Bambi: You like getting hit right in the feels.

Cinderella: You're traditionally feminine.

Alice in Wonderland: The Cheshire Cat is your Spirit Animal.

Peter Pan: You never want to grow up.

Lady and the Tramp: Nothing can convince you that spaghetti is NOT the most romantic dinner you can have with your significant other. 

Sleeping Beauty: Let's be real, the main reason you like this film is because Maleficent is still the best Disney Villain.

101 Dalmatians: You're like that crazy old lady with too many cats... But with dogs instead.

The Sword in the Stone: You've read everything that J.R.R. Tolkien has ever wrote. And I mean EVERYTHING.

The Jungle Book: *singing* You've got the BEAR necessities, the simple bear necessities, forget about your worries and your strife! And I mean the BEAR necessities, Old Mother Nature's recipes, that bring the bare necessities of life!

Robin Hood: This is literally the best version of Robin Hood. You can't change my mind. No, I am not being biased because this happens to be one of my favorite movies ever. I've put my bias aside to tell you all, objectively speaking, that this is the best version of Robin Hood.

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh: You have a crippling addiction to honey (and other bee-related products).

The Rescuers: You own a pet mouse.

The Fox and the Hound: You have been waiting for the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny; The Uncatchable Fox vs the Inescapable Hound. Never have you expected the film to be so darn sad.

The Black Cauldron: You definitely didn't know this movie existed until AT LEAST a few years after it came out.

The Great Mouse Detective: You prefer the mouse-y version of Sherlock Holmes.

Oliver & Company: You're trying to convince your normie friends to check out some of the more slept-on Disney films. 

The Little Mermaid: You have an uncanny fascination with sea life. Sebastian is also your Spirit Animal.

Ducktales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp: You prefer the ducky version of Indiana Jones.

Beauty and the Beast: You never knew this was supposed to be a Disney Princess movie because you thought the Beast was the main character.

Aladdin: Your favorite video game series is Shantae. Also, the Genie is your Spirit Animal.

The Nightmare before Christmas: You're jolly on Halloween, but scary on Christmas. Wait a minute...

The Lion King: You're a fan of William Shakespeare.

A Goofy Movie: You played Toon Town Online back when that was a thing. And either you now play Toon Town Rewritten, or you're wondering just what the heck Toon Town Rewritten is.

Pocahontas: You like your American history like you like your coffee. So sugary sweet that it's barely recognizable. Also, insert contractually obligated "See how I glitter!" joke.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame: You love this movie precisely because of how dark and creepy it is compared to the rest of Disney's lineup.

Hercules: Your favorite novel series is Percy Jackson & The Olympians.

Mulan: You were a samurai in a past life. Yes, I know that samurai weren't really a thing in 4th/10th century China (samurai come from 16th century Japan).

Tarzan: You tried to imitate Tarzan's yell while pounding your chest at least once in your life.

Dinosaur: You appreciate how Disney went out of their way to include more obscure dinosaurs as the main characters. Have YOU ever heard of an Iguanadon before watching Dinosaur? EXACTLY!

The Emperor's New Groove: You're a dirty meme-lord who has turned the whole darn movie into a joke. That's not an insult by the way, for I too am a dirty meme-lord who has turned the whole darn movie into a joke.

Atlantis the Lost Empire: Your favorite Super Hero is Aquaman.

Lilo & Stitch: You care about your family. Also, Elvis is your Spirit Animal.

Treasure Planet: You've got a soft spot for steampunk.

Brother Bear: You BEAR-ly manage to BEAR through my un-BEAR-able puns.

Home on the Range: You're a farmer. Or a cowboy. I don't know. Last I checked the only people who know this movie exists also hate it for some reason.

Chicken Little: You have very... unpopular tastes in movies. 

The Wild: You never saw Madagascar as a kid. Your parents have failed you.

Meet the Robinsons: You may or may not have a big head, and tiny arms.

Ratatouille: All of your knowledge of cooking and French culture comes from this movie.

Bolt: Your favorite TV Show is Krypto the Superdog.

The Princess and the Frog: Don't you disrespect me, little man! Don't you delegate, or deride... *singing* You're in My world now, not your world, and I've got Friends on the Other Side...

Tangled: You think this movie is a thousand times better than Frozen. You're not wrong.

Mars Needs Moms: You hold a lot of nostalgia for this movie. For some reason.

Frankenweenie: You prefer the funnier version of Coraline.

Wreck-It Ralph: You're a hardcore gamer.

Frozen: You, ironically, refuse to "Let It Go!" ...of your love for this movie.

Big Hero 6: Your favorite music group is Fall Out Boy. You may or may not have a hairy baby.

Zootopia: Either you love this film for its original world-building, unique take on anthropomorphic animals, and surprisingly accurate portrayal of prejudice and political bias, or you REALLY want Nick and Judy to start dating. Whatever floats your boat, Internet Person.

Moana: Whenever someone says "thank you" the first thing that comes out of your mouth is, "Well, what can I except You're Welcome!?"

And we're done. Because all the other Disney movies are either live action, made by someone else, or both. Stay tuned for the exciting sequels where we describe Pixar and Marvel movies. But anyway, hope you enjoyed What your Favorite Disney Movie says about YOU, and let me know how wrong I am about Tangled being better than Frozen.