People change. The older you get, the more you change. Sometimes you look back on your younger years, and quietly lay down on your bed and cringe over dumb stuff you said or did when you were younger, and your shame and embarrassment keeps you awake till 3 in the morning. Or you have a particularly strong opinion on something. So I thought it would be fun to talk about the dumb shenanigans of my past/current self. And also rather strong opinions I hold (remember they are just opinions and you can disagree with them if you so choose, just be respectful about it). Most of these stories are harmless, but you might enjoy them for a laugh (plus I can get the cringe I feel off my chest). I know this seems like a big departure from my usual content but it is still relevant to video games and such. That much I promise. Without further delay, let's share some dumb stories!
I was around 8 years old when Super Smash Bros Brawl came out. Around this time I was going through an "edge-lord" phase, so I had this weird complex where I refused to play as the cuter characters (Pikachu, Kirby, etc) in the game, and only played as the "mature" looking characters like Samus or Solid Snake. Even though I had no idea what games those characters were from, since at the time, the only real video game franchise that I was familiar with was Spyro the Dragon and Pokemon (the only Pokemon in Brawl I willingly played as was Lucario, because it looks cool). I also remember being the only person in my social circle that would play as Ganondorf, because my edgy, 8 year old brain thought that Mr. "King of Darkness and Despair" was cool. I learned many years later that the reason why nobody played as Ganondorf was because at the time, he was the worst character in the game, being pathetically slow in a game where faster characters outperformed everyone else, on top of a mediocre recovery, and his best attack (the Offstage Flame Choke) would also KO himself at the same time as his opponent. But anyway, I realize now that my past self's desperate desire to be a cool bad boy leading me to using the worst character in a children's fighting game was, in fact, silly. But on the other hand, my insecurities about perceived maturity and coolness is what led me to become a Metroid and Fire Emblem fan (I also played as Ike), so in a way it balanced out.
I've never actually played a single game in the entire Five Night at Freddy's franchise. In my defense, I didn't really know that much about it. I mean, I had a friend whose mom banned him from playing or watching it on YouTube because she deemed it too scary. But I didn't really get into the franchise until around 2018, because I was browsing through the Internet (as you do) and stumbled across some fan made music for the newest game (at the time) in the series, Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location. And then I listened to another fan song. And another. And another. And I descended down a rabbit hole of awesome music about a haunted Chuck E Cheese parody restaurant. And then I started delving into the lore and story in the games, learned about the various spin off novels that flesh out the lore, and watched some game play on YouTube. But I know what you're thinking. "If you like this franchise so much why don't you actually buy one of the games?" The answer is simple. My PC is a hand-me-down from my grandpa and given it has the technical prowess of a potato battery (relatively speaking) I don't trust it to handle a full blown video game, ESPECIALLY a horror game. But now that FN@F 1-5 (plus FN@F VR: Help Wanted) have been ported over to consoles, I don't really have an excuse. So there's something to do.
UNDERTALE was a game that I immediately fell in love with. A bit too much. For most of 2015 I was one of "those" fans. The ones that wouldn't stop singing this silly RPG's praises to heaven and back. To the point where it got annoying. I even spoiled the game's gimmick of remembering your choices even after deleting your save data. To people who don't even play video games as a hobby. And nowadays, whenever I bring up UNDERTALE to my friends, they kind of just laugh off the cringey behavior of the early UNDERTALE fandom, while I would just laugh nervously along them because I WAS ONE OF THE FANS THEY WERE MAKING FUN OF. And the exact same thing happened again when I discovered Gravity Falls! My family went with some friends over to see Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, and while we were talking about nerdy Star Wars things, and I kid you not, but I literally just blurted out "Hey, did you know that Gravity Falls is the best cartoon ever?" When I went home that day, I just lay in my bed, realizing that as soon as got out of one toxic fandom, I swan dived right into another one. Moral of the story? It's okay to talk about things you like, but recognize that there's a time and a place for your nerdy passion. You gotta read the room, and sometimes, you just gotta know when to keep your mouth shut.
Alright. Forgive me, Anime Community, for I have sinned. Sword Art Online was the first anime I ever watched, from beginning to end, both in the Japanese version and the English dub. For those not really into the anime fandom, just know that Sword Art Online is widely considered the Twilight of anime. Which is to say, a franchise with an interesting concept wasted on a fairly stereotypical romance story starring a hyper competent male lead that causes EVERY FREAKING SINGLE girl in the series to swoon, regardless of how much sense it has to NOT make to justify it. Seriously, I can buy Asuna falling for Kirito. They spent two years trapped in a deadly VR game together, so the two of them got to know each other to form a romantic bond. But literally every other girl has the hots for Kirito, with literally no exceptions. This includes Leafa, who is Kirito's COUSIN (by marriage). And he never tells any of the girls that he only has eyes for Asuna! He still hangs out with all of these women and is basically leading them on. Like, come on, man. At least send them to the Friend Zone. Anything is better than just hanging out with all these girls who are clearly into you and never telling them that you only like them as platonic friends. But anyway, the anime is good to watch as a guilty pleasure, since the artwork is amazing and it has a surprisingly good voice cast. I think the reason I watched it was because I never really watched a anime fully before (outside of Pokemon) so I didn't really what qualities are in a good or bad anime. Oh, and the whole "trapped in VR" thing is an inherently cool concept, and the anime manages to include references to gaming culture that I did quite like. But should you watch the anime? Unless you're looking for a guilty pleasure, no. But the video games are apparently really good since they address the flaws of the anime and even have some original story arcs.
I was more excited for the Smash Bros Ultimate Byleth DLC reveal trailer than I was for the Banjo-Kazooie reveal trailer. I am the only person in the whole fandom that thinks this way. "But anime swordsman bad!" the gate keepers say. Well you know what? Byleth may be an anime swords(wo)man, but they are MY anime swords(wo)man. Plus, we all knew deep down that Nintendo was going to do some tie in to Fire Emblem: Three Houses, and Byleth was the best choice overall. I would have preferred to have the three House Leaders (Edelgard, Dimitri, and Claude) instead. But we could only have one character, and the way they handled Byleth represents the game series pretty well. Also, I use the green-and-purple color swap meant to emulate Sothis the Time Goddess. I just think the color scheme looks nice.
I think that the rating systems for both movies and video games is flawed. My issue with the MPA is how wildly inconsistent they are with their ratings. Ignoring that what's considered acceptable will inevitably change with time, the MPA's only real logic is basically, "We'll rate the movie based on what kind of audience we THINK it's trying to appeal to." Which means that PG-13 gets used a lot, since it's a easily marketable rating that most people don't object to. Which in turns means the MPA actively make up new rules so they can use the PG-13 ruling more often. Did you know that a PG-13 movie can get away with using the F word, uncensored? But only in a non-sexual context. But my issue with the ESRB is different. The ESRB is a rating system I actually like, since it has a set of more grounded rules and logic. That's not to say they make mistakes. Once you know where they draw the line, it's easy to exploit their own system. But my main issue is that the gap between T for Teen and M for Mature is simply too large. I wish there was a rating between them, like a hypothetical Teen+ rating. Because not only are M rated games made differently, they get rated for different reasons. Dark Souls owes its rating mostly to the grotesque monster designs, but in terms of actual violence or vulgarity the series is actually pretty tame. Mortal Kombat meanwhile has so much over-the-top gore and blood that it wraps around to being unintentionally campy and ridiculous. And then you have Halo, a franchise that used to be rated M for gun violence, but it's a sci fi series with content about on par with your average Star Wars movie. The fact that the newer games got rated T kind of shows that guns by themselves aren't violent enough to justify a M rating anymore, but believe me, there are people who do believe that guns are inherently evil and anything involving them MUST be hit with a M rating. Not that it's going to stop neglectful parents from buying M rated games for their kids, and then blame their child's issues on their hobbies. That's another thing I wish was a thing. People to take the rating system seriously. I don't believe in censorship. I believe that any art should be left as intended, even if it shows something you don't agree with or like. But I also believe in accurate ratings so that parents or sensitive viewers can tell at a glance whether they might enjoy the product or not. Keep in mind I don't have a problem with M rated games, far from it actually. One of favorite franchises is the Dark Souls trilogy, and only one out of the three games have a T for Teen rating (the ESRB ruled that Dark Souls II was just tame enough to squeeze by with a T rating). And everyone has a form of entertainment they enjoy, and should be allowed to do so without fear of judgement from conservative strangers. All I want is more accurate ratings and for people to take the ratings more seriously. Don't like a specific thing? Do research on a game or movie to see if it has that thing you don't like, then decide if you want to watch the movie or play the game.
I've never actually beaten the final boss of Minecraft. I've been playing the game since 2014. The reason I didn't pick up sooner was because I thought the game was similar to Tetris (based solely off the fact both games had a block-focused aesthetic), and that's a game play style that I don't really care for. But once I learned there's actual monster fighting on top of building literally whatever you want I was sold. And I remember, the first time I played Survival mode, I got stuck in the Nether while playing in the Tutorial World, and I ran out of blocks, tools, weapons, anything that help me survive. Panicking I turned on Creative Mode, making me invincible and giving me infinite resources. But the incident made me not want to do Survival mode ever again, and it wasn't until around Update 1.13 hit that I finally mustered the courage to do a pure Survival Mode run of the game... And quickly discovered that building structures in Survival is much more fun than Creative, and I spent the rest of my Minecraft career building towns and junk ever since. So no, I never "beat" Minecraft. I still, to this day, have not killed the Ender Dragon in battle. I haven't even fought the Wither or the Elder Guardian. But that's okay, since the beauty of Minecraft is that the game is so versatile you can play it any way you want.
When I was five my favorite Star Wars villain was General Grievous. Was he the best written villain? No. Did he have a massive stake in the over arching conflict? No. But he was really dang cool. He's a four-armed, trash talking cyborg who modified his body so much the only traces of organic matter on his body left are his eyes and his heart, who keeps the Lightsabers of all the Jedi he's killed as trophies. How can your five year old brain NOT find that awesome!? Whenever the kids at my school played pretend Star Wars (that was a thing we did) I would always play the role of General Grievous. Oh, and the Genndy Tartakovsky Star Wars Clone Wars animated shorts made Grievous look even more menacing and powerful. He's like if the Terminator had access to laser swords. It's great, and if you can track those shorts down, I highly recommend watching them.
One time, me and my friend (unrelated to the friend whose mom banned him from FN@F) were showing off our Pokemon, as you do. We both developed a habit of giving nicknames for our Pokemon, to help us develop a more sentimental bond with them. When he noticed that my Decidueye was nicknamed Twilight (named after my favorite Owls of Ga'Hoole character), he asked if I was a Brony. And I told him, "I don't know what you're talking about." And he explained to me that "Twilight" was the nickname of Twilight Sparkle, the main protagonist of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Keep in mind that I come from a very traditional household, with very traditional views of gender roles and gendered hobbies. Boys liked super heroes and knights in shining armor, girls liked princesses and unicorns. So I felt mildly offended at the time, since I took the mere idea of liking something girly personally. I don't care about gender roles anymore (and neither should you, it's 2020), and I've been told that Lauren Faust's run of the show was so good it brought in a surprisingly large amount of male fans (which was where the term Brony came from). Bringing this story full circle, a few months later I noticed that my friend had a unicorn-themed phone case. So in a moment of petty revenge, I asked him if he was a Brony. Cue him hastily and nervously explaining that his old phone broke and he was borrowing his mother's phone. Still. I didn't mean to embarrass him, and kind of assumed he had no problem with talking about My Little Pony since he started this whole thing, but I guess I was wrong. It was still kind of funny though.
Star Wars: The Old Republic made me cry. Why? Because I played the game a lot younger than intended (I was eleven when the game came out), and I wanted to play it because, well, it's Star Wars. But the thing is, it's also a BioWare game, back when the BioWare team were in their prime. So that means moral ambiguity in a franchise with no moral ambiguity whatsoever! I made a character for ever class because I wanted to do every story arc possible, and I legitimately couldn't handle the Bounty Hunter story-line because my 11-year-old brain still viewed the world as "good people good, bad people bad." Even though I could have just made Light Side choices the whole play through, but when you combine sympathetic characterization with strong voice acting, a black market dealer's plea for mercy became so genuine that I, through eyes full of tears, turned the game off, deleted my Bounty Hunter character, and didn't touch the game again for another two whole years. Because as it turns out, while moral ambiguity can make for excellent story telling (which I can appreciate now as an adult), younger viewers can get confused or even distraught by it. But what's weird is that it was only the Bounty Hunter story line that made me feel that way. I had no problem zapping people as a Sith Inquisitor or gunning down desperate freedom fighters as a Republic Trooper. I think it has something to do with the fact that the black market dealer your Bounty Hunter was hired to kill specifically used the word "please" in his plea for mercy. I think that was what set me off, as silly as it sounds. But now that I'm older and can appreciate moral ambiguity in story telling, I'd be down to retry the Bounty Hunter story line, especially after watching The Mandalorian.
When I was younger I only really liked "easy" games, and if a game was too hard for my little kid brain to handle, instead of trying again, or looking up a guide, I would just trade it in. Because of this zero-tolerance policy on "hard" video games, my biggest regret was trading in a game called Mini Ninjas, which had a beautiful art style and fluid combat and stealth mechanics. I really wish I actually finished that game. The game's on Steam now, so once I get a PC that won't explode instantly if you boot up a game, I will finish it. If I can handle the infamous difficulty of the Dark Souls series I can handle this game now. The same thing happened with The Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night, though in that case the reason I traded it in was because I thought I broke the game by falling down a hole in the very first level. As it turns out, you were supposed to fall down that hole and follow it through a cave system to reach the other side of the jungle. There's yet another game to track down to restore my Gamer Honor. But what's strange is how I went from immediately giving up on a game just because it was hard, to enjoying difficult games (like Dark Souls) and even playing games on higher difficulty settings when available. Easy mode is boring to me now. But Hard mode? That's the stuff, right there.
J.R.R. Tolkien's The Silmarillion was the hardest book for me to read ever. It's not a bad book. It's brilliant. It's essentially the entire history, lore, and world building of Middle-Earth condensed into a single novel. But the issue is that it's written in a similar prose to the Bible itself, meaning you're intended to read it one verse at a time. I read books chapters at a time. So attempting to read an entire chapter of The Silmarillion is pretty much an endurance test. It's possible. But every time I read a chapter in this book I had to take a 30-minute break just to digest what I read. And the gap between chapters can sometimes be so long you have to take a break before you're even halfway to the next chapter. Again, it's not a bad book, it's actually great. If you want to learn more about the Middle-Earth universe it's a great way to do so. Plus, it's the only way you can learn the Dark Lord Sauron's backstory. Did you know he used to be an angel that was corrupted by another Dark Lord called Morgoth? When Morgoth was defeated by the Valar (basically the gods of Middle-Earth) Sauron wasted no time in taking his place as the the personification of evil and wickedness. Before you ask why the Valar didn't help out the Fellowship of the Ring deal with Sauron, the answer is simple. It took the sinking of an ENTIRE CONTINENT to stop Morgoth, and the surviving Valar were afraid to cause more damage to Middle-Earth, so they told the mortals "Sorry, but you're on your own this time."
Subnautica is one of the few games that can genuinely scare me... Despite not even being a horror game. How is that possible? Because of Thalassaphobia, the fear of deep, watery places with no bottom. I don't have a problem with swimming in pools or lakes or whatever. But if I can't see the bottom of the body of water, it kind of freaks me out. So a first person survival adventure on a flooded planet seemed like a cool concept for a game, but every time I lose track of the sea floor or the surface it starts stressing me out slightly. I've found some works around it though. Never look straight up, and never look straight down. Unless you can see the sea floor, in which case you can look down, but not straight up. Nothing I can do about the Reaper Leviathan though, aside from just never visiting the places where it spawns. Spoiler Alert, the closer you get to the crash site of the Aurora space ship, the more Reaper Leviathans you have to deal with. And remember, if you can hear its roar, that means it found you.
Digimon has a better anime than Pokemon. Yes, even Digimon Frontier and Digimon Fusion are better than the Pokemon anime. But Pokemon has better video games. Even the worst game, which is either Pokemon Sword & Shield or Pokemon Black & White (depending on who you ask) is leaps and bounds better than the worst Digimon games. Which means when we get a good Digimon game, you latch onto it forever because there's a good chance the next game will drop the bar hard. Compare Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth to Digimon World: next Order. The former is a story driven RPG with detective Noir elements mixed with the typical digital VR shenanigans the series is known for. The only thing you can say bad about are the lack of English voice acting and the fact that the only Digimon worth using late game are the ones with Penetration attacks like WarGreymon and Lilithmon. Everyone else kind of just gets rendered obsolete since the late game enemies and bosses have so much health and defense that the fight will take hours otherwise. But Digimon World: next Order is probably the worst game I've ever played. Speaking as someone who actually played Sonic '06. A combat system that is fully automatic, rendering you to the role of glorified cheerleader passively buffing your Digimon while they do whatever they want just gets boring really quickly. Combine that with the fact that your Digimon have finite life spans and will eventually die of old age, essentially resetting your progress back to square one, and you have a game that feels like a chore to play. This is on top of the fact that the English dub has some atrocious voice acting, and soundtrack that only plays during the day time. Like they couldn't even bother making night-time specific music or even just extending the day-time music to apply throughout the entire day. The game just lacks technical polish, and it's interesting concept and art style is undermined by structurally bad game design. At least Sonic '06 is a game with passable game design, even if it's marred by glitches and a physics engine that only works half of the time. Digimon World: next Order is just a frustrating mess with no redeeming qualities. Like, I want to be excited for Digimon: Survive but I've seen how far a Digimon game can fall from grace, so I'm more cautious about that game.
I actually have two stories to share about Monster Hunter Tri, my first Monster Hunter game. First, when I just started the game back in 2013 I immediately gunned for the Urgent Quest "Guts: It's what's for Dinner." If you aren't familiar, this Quest has you collect three Monster Guts from these harmless seal like herbivores. It's also scripted so that you encounter Lagiacrus, a giant crocodile with lightning powers, for the first time in this Quest. Going back to the whole, "I have crippling Thalassaphobia" thing, when Lagiacrus emerged from the watery abyss with ominous orchestra music playing, I panicked so much that I didn't touch the game for another eight months. I did muster up the courage eventually though, and managed to beat the entire single player campaign. Lagiacrus is now one of my favorite monsters for that reason. The other major story I have of the game was when several years later, I wanted to try running a YouTube channel. Specifically one that covered Monster Hunter content. I gave up on that dream, because I didn't know how to edit, my audio and commentary was awkward and forced, and the only equipment I had was an old, out-of-date video camera that can only record 10 minutes of footage at a time. I still have the videos I recorded, I just never put them on the Internet out of shame. And I was talking with a friend (the same one who wondered if I was a Brony), who asked me why I never pursued a career as a YouTube Gamer. And I told him, "that kind of job is a little bit too much for me to handle." I respect the people who can make a living off of it, but being front and center doesn't really gel with me. I prefer writing, since it lets me entertain people while maintaining a level of privacy, and that's why I'm pursuing a career as a fantasy author.
I think paying a subscription for a video game is scummy. The monthly subscription fee is the entire reason why I tend to avoid most MMO games like the plague. Like, if I can experience a sizable chunk of a MMO's content with the free trial, I'm probably going to play ONLY the free trial. I understand why subscriptions exist. MMO games are constantly online, and it can get expensive to maintain the servers. But it still doesn't feel right to me. It's like the video game industry equivalent of paying protection money. That's why I applaud Guild Wars 2 for being the only mainstream MMO that doesn't use a subscription fee. You pay for the game once, and have access to everything within for the rest of time. And I would totally play Guild Wars 2... If had a decent PC. But you know what's having a very generous overhaul to its free trial and is on consoles starting on August 11th? Final Fantasy XIV. So there's a MMO I might actually get a chance to play.
As someone who loves the fantasy genre, there are some quirks about it that annoy me. Namely the armor design. Far too often in fantasy series do the men get awesome, fully covering armor that while, impractical by real life standards, looks like it might offer at least some protection while still being stylish. Female armor in fantasy usually really skimpy or skintight and clearly designed to appeal to desperate teenagers, or worse, desperate 40-year-old men. Like, if the skimpy clothes makes sense for the character, like she's a flirty seductress or something, I can buy it (think Dorothea from Fire Emblem: Three Houses). But if she's supposed to be a rough-and-tumble tomboy fighting alongside men on the front lines, at least give her some actual armor. And no, excuses like "she needs lightweight clothing to move around" or "she breathes through her skin!" are valid. That's weird and kind of gross. At least admit you just want to see curvy girls in tight clothes. I'll respect the honesty. But I'm not so prudish that female "armor" in fantasy is enough to turn me away. I just roll my eyes and continue on. Only in extreme cases (like the character design in Kill la Kill or Dead or Alive) does skimpy fantasy armor bother me. But anyway, one of the reasons why I adore Dark Souls is precisely how gender-neutral the armor design is. Outside of body proportions getting adjusted for obvious reasons, armor on men looks identical to how it does on women. That's how it should be.
Every time I play a game that lets me customize the main character, I try to avoid recreating myself. Why? I don't self-insert when I play RPG's, since it's easier for me to get immersed when the main character, ironically, has nothing to do with me. Like, whenever I'm presented with a choice in a game, I make the choice that I feel the character I'm playing as would make, rather than the choice I would make if I was put in that same situation. For that same reason, I have no problem making female characters in RPG's. It's funny, when I was around seven years old I thought that playing as a character who was a different gender than you was weird and gross. Now I do it all the time. The ghost of my childhood self is probably screaming in his best Kylo Ren impression, "TRAITOR!!!" And even when I do play as a male character, I usually give them fiery red hair that reaches down to the shoulders (or longer, if the option is available), a grizzled, masculine beard, bright green eyes (or purple if the option is available) and a muscular frame (when available), none of which are characteristics that I have in real life (I'm a scrawny noodle with chocolate colored hair). Also, as a joke I name my characters some variation of Joey, although I stopped doing that around the time I got into Dark Souls (my character's name is Copper. Because he's a Cleric. Copper the Cleric!)
I like Marvel more than I like DC, but I respect DC fans and Marvel fans equally. But why do I like Marvel more? The answer is simple. The only DC Super Heroes that I like are Batman (because HE'S BATMAN!!!) and Aquaman (because I like how he went from a joke hero to a legitimate powerhouse that can go toe-to-toe with Superman). I don't have enough familiarity with Wonder Woman, the Flash, or any of the other Justice League characters. But I grew up on Spider-Man, Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, the Guardians of the Galaxy (I was one of five people on the planet who knew who the Guardians were BEFORE they got their own live action film), Black Panther, the X-Men, and the Fantastic Four. I think if I had more exposure to DC characters as a child I would gravitate towards them instead. But alas, I grew up in a Marvel household. So if you ask me who I like more, the Justice League or the Avengers, I'm going to say the Avengers.
Naturally, I saved my best story for last. After I grew out of my UNDERTALE worship phase, I still partook in the fandom. The more chilled out parts of it, but still. One day, my friend (the same one from the Brony story) and I were doing a co-op run of the game (with one of us holding the left half of the controller and the other holding the right). So after reaching the Hot-Land Hotel we of course go through the legendary scene in the diner, when Sans the Skeleton gives you a heart-to-heart ending with a glimpse of his true nature. When Sans got to the part where he described his first encounter with the motherly mage Toriel (pictured above, on the right), my friend says "This moment is the reason Sans and Toriel would make a great couple." And I was like, "No, Sans isn't interested in her in that way..." And he was like "Sans X Toriel is the OTP (One True Pairing) and you can't change my mind." And I was like "Agree to Disagree, but I'm hoping for Toriel to patch things up with King Asgore." The resulting conversation was, and I kid you not, AN HOUR AND A HALF LONG SHIPPING DEBATE. We still joke about this incident to this day, and now whenever I think of the game, the first thing that comes to my mind is two teen nerds arguing over whether a kind old goat lady should try to patch things up with her flower loving ex who was driven mad by grief to pursue a quest for revenge, or hook up with a charismatic talking skeleton with a shady past involving time travel experiments. That was a sentence I never planned on typing today, and it certainly was a sentence that you weren't planning on reading. Your Welcome!
| The Komodo Dragon has nothing to do with the confessions, I just think they're neat. |
Great example of "potato" battery. My first PC personal computer had 16 colors. Your writing and depth of expression have also expanded over the years.
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