What your favorite video game says about YOU! Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

 The long awaited(?) sequel to the post that started this ridiculous mini-series. Now featuring better descriptions, more games, and dumber jokes. For obvious reasons, I'll try to avoid covering games that were in the original, but if there is overlap, it's because the series got a new entry since the original post. Also, keep in mind most of these descriptions are intended for comedy, and are by no means intended to offend anybody. Without further delay, here's Part 2 of What your Favorite Video Game says about YOU!

Crash Bandicoot: You had no idea what a Bandicoot even was until you started playing these games.

Spongebob Squarepants: Battle for Bikini Bottom: You're nostalgic for that weird time period during the 2000's where every other popular TV show got a video game adaptation. Unfortunately, Battle for Bikini Bottom is the only one that managed to age well.

Astral Chain: You always wanted a cyberpunk anime starring police officers. This is as close as you're gonna get.

Final Fantasy XIV: You're either a disgruntled World of Warcraft fan that migrated over to this game because you feel that World of Warcraft's quality is slowly worsening, or you're a longtime Final Fantasy fan that always wanted a MMORPG set in the Final Fantasy universe.

Five Nights at Freddy's: Be honest, if it wasn't for Internet theorists and lore explanation videos, you would have no idea what's even going on in this series. You also probably listen to the many, many, MANY fan songs that the community keeps making. Seriously, for a horror game fandom, the community is surprisingly talented when it comes to music.

ToonTown Online: You grew up playing this game back when it was still a thing, and really love slapstick comedy and rubber-hose animation. Naturally, an MMO combining the two was a match made in heaven.

Octopath Traveler: You think the name sounds a little strange, but love the "Eight Story Campaigns in One Game" gimmick this game has. Your favorite character will, without fail, be whichever one you started with.

Ratchet & Clank: You always wanted to play a shooter game as a kid, but this was the only game you were old enough to play. Now you hold a lot of nostalgia for this cat and robot dynamic duo.

 

Halo: You wish you were as cool as the Master Chief. Or you watched so much Halo: Red Vs Blue that you can quote literally any episode from memory.

Uncharted: You got into this franchise because it's basically "Indiana Jones On Steroids."

Night in the Woods: The cutesy cartoon animal art style and relaxing music could not prepare you for the emotional roller coaster that is living two weeks in the life of a cat girl from the American Rust Belt, who is having a quarter-life crisis after dropping out of college, who may or may not have some kind of untreated mental illness. But most importantly, YOU HAVE NIGHTMARE EYES!!!

Valiant Hearts: The Great War: Nothing can convince you that this is not the saddest game ever made. Also, you like learning about real life history.

Overwatch: You either care way too much about competitive E-Sports, or you don't give a single crab-cake  about it. If in the latter group, chances are the main reason you like this series is because of cool sci-fi/superhero world-building and lore, and also because of the aesthetically pleasing character designs. There's a good chance that if Blizzard Entertainment announced a full-length animated Overwatch movie made in the same style as the ten-minute shorts used to promote the game, you would watch it the moment it comes out.

X-COM: You've lost a few good men and women in the fight against the alien menace. Unless you save scum to bring your old soldiers back from the dead. You coward. I'm joking, play the game however you want.

inFAMOUS: This franchise scratches that "overpowered superhero" fantasy you've had since you were a child, that licensed superhero games simply weren't fulfilling.

Rayman: The fact that Ubisoft sidelined their own mascot in favor of the Raving Rabbids for years frustrated you to no end. At least they started giving Rayman more stuff to do recently.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses: You can, and will, write out long, thorough essays about why Edelgard did nothing wrong and that her rebellion against the Church of Seiros was justified. Or you can, and will, write out long, thorough essays about how Dimitri's fall from grace and eventual redemption makes him the best written character in not just Fire Emblem but video games in general. Or you just want to make dumb jokes about everything Claude says or does.

A Hat in Time: You like games that look cute on the surface, but are actually pretty dark when you delve deeper.

Dark Souls: You view the act of playing hard video games as an art, to hone and improve. So what better game to test your skill, than the franchise that uses its intense difficulty as a selling point? You're also spiritually linked to Five Nights at Freddy's fans, in the sense that the lore is so ambiguous and open to personal interpretation that you're going to need to do some Internet sleuthing to make sense of it.

Horizon: Zero Dawn: You were drawn to this game for a lot of reasons. The post-apocalyptic setting, the interesting lore and world-building, the dinosaur-inspired robot designs, and a female protagonist that doesn't look like a supermodel with an impossibly curvy body, who actually dresses in practical armor when in battle. Said heroine is also a walking hurricane of sarcasm and witty banter. Which is always a good thing.

And that will do it for the second part of What your favorite Video Game says about YOU! If you somehow did not find a game here that you like, feel free to tell me what your favorite game is so I can come up with a dumb joke about it. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this ongoing series, because I have way too many of these posts in draft form.