Rubber Hose Horror! Bendy and the Ink Machine Review

Cartoons. A part of our culture since 1934, and still advancing as a medium to this day. Cartoons have a reputation for being sweet, innocent, and child friendly. But can you turn something fun and uplifting, into something creepy and disturbing? That's the question posed by 2017's indie horror game Bendy and the Ink Machine. Developed by Joey Drew Studios and published by Rooster Teeth Games, Bendy and the Ink Machine has a simple concept. 30's era cartoons, but freakier. This game was originally developed by exactly two people, and it was a breakout success, getting two spin-off games as well as a direct sequel titled Bendy and the Dark Revival (currently planned to release some time in 2021). Why was it so successful? It's a horror game made by a small dev team in a post- Five Nights at Freddy's world. Fans of that series will naturally see similar games and check them out while waiting for the next big FN@F game. But even if it owes much of its success to FN@F, it still does enough things differently to stand on its own. 

Our story follows an elderly man named Henry Stein, who used to be an animator and cartoonist for a company called Joey Drew Studios (not to be confused with the real life dev team that made the game, they thought it would be funny to name their company after a fictional company within the game's lore and setting). But in this universe, Joey Drew Studios got shut down thanks to overambitious projects with no payoff and Joey Drew (the CEO of the company) repeatedly putting his employees in dangerous and unhealthy working conditions. One day, Henry receives a letter from Joey Drew himself, inviting him back to the old workshop because he "wanted to show him something." So Henry descends back to his old workplace, only to find it abandoned and falling into ruin. While exploring the facility, Henry activates a device called the Ink Machine, which seems to be able to create living creatures whose bodies are made entirely out of ink. Unfortunately, one of those creatures is Bendy, a demon obsessed with violently murdering anything too slow to get out of the way. Henry tries to escape Bendy's rampage, but falls deeper into the studio, and now has to fight tooth and nail to escape the eldritch terrors lurking within.

It's worth noting that when Bendy and the Ink Machine was first released, it had an episodic structure. The game's Chapters would be released one at a time throughout the year, meaning that if you played the game back when Chapter 1 was released, the game was by design incomplete. Additionally, every time a new Chapter was released, the previous Chapters would get updated and modified, partly to fit community feedback and partly to increase the overall quality of the game. Seriously, look at how much Chapter 1 has changed since its original release. It looked like a tech demo initially, but now has the same level of polish as the more recent Chapters. All five Chapters have been released, and the console ports (which I played) include all five Chapters in one package without the need to download each one separately. The console ports run surprisingly well, aside from a few overlong loading screens (they can take anywhere between 45 seconds to a whole minute, which doesn't sound like a lot but that's a whole minute of doing nothing but waiting). If you have a high-quality PC, the load times might be better, but I refuse to play PC if there is a decent console port readily available.

Bendy and the Ink Machine has a simple gameplay loop. You control Henry as he moves from room to room, solving puzzles and fending off the weaker ink monsters while hiding from Bendy himself. Bendy is invincible and cannot be killed at all, so it's better to avoid him. The puzzles Henry has to solve can be as simple as flipping a few levers, to as complicated as figuring out which order to play a set of musical instruments in order to produce the correct song. The combat is a little barebones but perfectly serviceable. Henry will sometimes have a melee weapon such as a hatchet or crowbar that he can use to clobber foes at close range. There's also a secret Tommy Gun, which is for obvious reasons the best weapon in the entire game. It's a pain to unlock, but depending on who you ask it might be worth it. My harshest criticism about the combat is that the melee weapons have a deceptively small hitbox, making it hard to tell how close you need to be to actually hit a monster. Aiming the Tommy Gun and throwing soup cans as a distraction is fine and works as intended, it's only melee weapons that have this problem. You get used to the weapons after a while, but it can be a little off putting at first. That said, I do prefer the sections where you have to use stealth to get past enemies over fighting them directly, since it's clear that the dev team put more effort into the stealth mechanics.

Each Chapter puts focus on a specific area and theme as you progress. Chapter 1 is by far the shortest, being able to be finished in 15-20 minutes. The Chapters get progressively longer, though the game's run time as a whole is about 9-10 hours. Chapter 1 is also the simplest. In it, Henry has just entered the building and, aside from the mutilated corpse of a cartoon wolf lying on a surgery table, the place seems to be relatively normal. We find some cassette tapes left by former employees, where they voice their concerns as Joey Drew's ambition and greed starts becoming self-destructive. We also get our first look at Bendy himself, both in the form of cutesy cardboard cutouts, and in person. And I adore the design of Bendy's monster form (pictured above). The Ink dripping down and obscuring most of the face save for a unnatural, toothy grin is unsettling, and the mismatched proportions and limping walk make Bendy look like he's in pain. But then again, almost every ink monster here have macabre designs and twisted, painful looking anatomy. And these designs are grotesque in the best way possible. The monsters here don't look like anything else in the genre, and it helps to give the game a unique identity.

Chapter 2 has Henry descend into the Music Department, and we get the introduction of Sammy Lawrence. Sammy used to be Joey Drew's music composer and songwriter, but was mutated by the Ink Machine into a faceless man with a Bendy mask. His new form didn't do much for his sanity, and he went from a grumpy, but talented songwriter to an insane cultist worshipping Bendy as a god. On the subject of Chapter 2, I positively love it. The puzzles were creative, we got interesting lore on Joey Drew's relationship with his employees, we got a cameo (in the form of a cassette tape) from a character named Susie Campbell, who will be important later. It's also our introduction to the combat system.

Chapter 3 is rather contentious among Bendy fans. Some people love it, some people hate it. In this Chapter, Henry teams up with Boris the Wolf, the only ink creature so far that's actually benevolent. There's not much to say about Boris. His design is clearly inspired by Disney's Goofy the Dog. We saw his mutilated corpse back in Chapter 1, though we later learn that there are multiple Boris the Wolves running around. Granted, most of them are dead, and the one travelling with Henry seems to be the only one left alive. But how did they all die? Because of Susie Campbell, who in-universe was a voice actress for Alice Angel, one of Joey Drew's cartoon characters meant to be a female counterpart to Bendy. Susie, much like Sammy, has been mutated by the Ink Machine, and is now a disgusting perversion of the role she once played. She views herself as being literally Alice Angel, and not just an actress. Naturally, the knowledge that Joey Drew hired a replacement actress damaged her mind even further. On top of this, she's been vivisecting other ink creatures, taking their vital organs and using them to preserve and repair her own unstable body. In case it wasn't obvious, Susie is the most insane creature in the entire studio, and might be more dangerous than Bendy himself.

The main reason why Chapter 3 is so polarizing is because early on in the Chapter, Susie strikes a deal with Henry. He must do a variety of tasks for Susie, and she will let him use the elevator in the central complex to escape the studio. The bulk of the Chapter is spent doing Fetch Quests for Susie (where she tells you to go somewhere, grab an item, and come back), some of which seem arbitrary. Seriously, you have to do six different Fetch Quests, with the only thing breaking them up is a single combat segment against some ink monsters called the Butcher Gang. Most of the Fetch Quests aren't that exciting either, with the only real challenge being periodic visits from Bendy requiring you to hide in outhouse-like booths scattered throughout the complex. I did however really like when you went down to the flooded basement and had to navigate through a maze while a super strong boss called the Projectionist hunted you (unlike Bendy, the Projectionist can be killed, but doing so is a long and arduous process). I also loved this early segment where Henry and Boris had to work together as a team to progress, and I honestly wish we got more of that. But overall, I feel like they should have shortened the Fetch Quests, or at least throw in some unique sequences to break it up more. In a perfect world, the whole chapter would be Henry and Boris working together while being pursued by both Susie and Bendy. This isn't a bad Chapter, but it does feel like it overstayed its welcome, and the whole idea of teaming up with Boris is woefully underutilized.

Chapter 4 might be my favorite. In this Chapter, Susie betrays Henry and kidnaps Boris, and Henry has to move through an unfinished amusement park to save him. There isn't a Fetch Quest in sight here, and the puzzles and boss battles get really creative and fun in this Chapter. You also get a rematch against the Projectionist, only this time, you don't have any weapons to defend yourself, making stealth mandatory for survival. We also get the introduction of a crafting mechanic in this Chapter, where you can take ink blobs and put them into these special slot machines. The slot machines can make anything from extra weapons (though Henry can only carry one weapon at a time) to pipes and gears to fix machinery. I like the idea behind it, and my favorite boss battle in the whole game (which I won't spoil) uses the crafting machines in some clever ways. We also learn in this Chapter (through more cassette tapes) Joey Drew's famous speeches throughout the game about dreaming big and pursuing your goals were fake, and that he's been lying to his own employees about everything. Also, one of the cassette tapes reveals that Bendy was originally docile, and only became violent after being locked in Joey's basement for over 30 years. At this point, it's obvious that Joey Drew was a total scumbag.

Chapter 5 is the grand finale, and for the most part, I liked it a lot. Not as much as Chapters 2 or 4, but definitely a step up from Chapter 3. Anyway, in this Chapter, Henry must team up with a pair of friendly ink creatures named Allison and Tom for one last showdown against Bendy (and Sammy's cult). Allison was actually the replacement actress that put Susie out of a job, and though she was altered by the Ink Machine, she wasn't as heavily mutated as the rest of the staff. Tom is literally just one of the many Boris the Wolf clones, but with a gruff, no-nonsense attitude. Anyway, in this Chapter we get to use the Seeing Tool, a device that reveals hidden messages. Without spoiling things too much, once you beat the game, you can keep the Seeing Tool, bring it back with you to Chapters 1-4 and use it find all sorts of Easter Eggs and secrets.

We get one last showdown against Bendy, and we are treated to a delightfully confusing Twilight Zone style ending, which I won't spoil here. The only part of Chapter 5 that I didn't like was this one section where you have to sneak past the Butcher Gang (again) in the Administration area. For context, you have no means of defending yourself. No hatchets, crowbars, or Tommy Guns. Not even any soup cans to use as a distraction. You have to navigate a claustrophobic maze as you work towards Joey Drew's office, then steal a blob from an ink fountain nearby, and sneak your way back. You have to do this three times to get enough ink to craft the pipes needed to drain out the flooded hallway and progress further. Honestly I feel like they should have shortened this puzzle to needing only one trip, because just getting to the office and back to the beginning of the maze once is a long, time consuming process. And that's before considering you spend a good chunk of your time in the maze hiding in closets and side rooms, waiting for the Butcher Gang to pass over. On top of this, the Butcher Gang's ability to detect your presence is somewhat janky. They don't have any peripheral vision and can't see through glass windows (or if they do, they have reduced vision through glass), but can see exactly where you are if you you stand in front of metal grates. To make matters worse, this was the section of the game where my controller broke, delaying my playthrough (and by proxy, this review) until I could get a replacement. Which I admit is not the fault of the game itself, but bad timing on a less than ideal section of a game causes me to like this specific section of the game even less.

But now we can talk about what Bendy and the Ink Machine does best! Style and atmosphere. The game's art style, not unlike fellow indie darling Cuphead, is inspired by 30's era cartoons. Steamboat Willie, Popeye the Sailor Man, and Betty Boop are the most obvious inspirations. And the game as a whole looks gorgeous! It uses exactly three colors in its entire palette, and it looks gorgeous! The lighting is great, the character designs are great, the texturing is stylized in a way that it looks like a cross between cell shading and rubber hose animation. It all looks great. Anyway, as befitting a good horror game, Bendy and the Ink Machine does a good job building up its atmosphere and tension. You rarely feel safe on a first playthrough, because of how much disrepair the studio has fallen into, and the ominous warnings written on the walls like "THE CREATOR LIED TO US" or "WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?" add to the feeling of dread. Because the entire game takes place within a single building, there isn't a whole lot of variety when it comes to location designs, although Chapters 3-5 get more creative in this regard. Chapter 3 has the toy factory and central complex, Chapter 4 has the amusement park, and Chapter 5 has these massive underground caves with entire rivers of ink that you have to sail across in steamboats. Chapter 2 doesn't really do much with the Music Department itself, and Chapter 1 is just "the normal building interior" in this regard. All of these locations look great because of the art style, but the later locations stand out more.

The sound design is dang near perfect. The creaking of floorboards as you walk over them, the chugging and wheezing of old machinery, and the sputtering of film reels makes the experience more immersive. The constant gurgling of the Butcher Gang is disgusting, but its your best bet to figuring out where they are in relation to you. The voice acting is pretty solid. Henry sounds like a stoic old man who takes everything in stride. To be honest, the strongest reaction we hear from Henry is when he first finds the Boris corpse in Chapter 1, where he is clearly horrified at what he's looking at. Sammy and Susie both are portrayed with a delightful amount of over-the-top madness and insanity, and I enjoy that kind of performance for villains. One of my favorite moments in the whole game is when you're listening to a cassette tape left by Sammy, where he talks about his newfound obsession with Bendy, and asks, "Can I get an Amen?" at the end of the recording. Somewhere behind you, you hear the real Sammy say "I said, CAN I GET AN AMEN!?" And that is one of the most genuinely bone-chilling scenes in the whole game, thanks to the performance of Aaron Landon. There's also a handful of cassette tapes to collect in every Chapter, and these are always a blast to listen to. Not only does Bendy and the Ink Machine tell most of its story through these cassette tapes, they're all fully voiced and the personalities and accents stay consistent with the characters. Like how all of Joey Drew's tapes have this excitable, whimsical warmth to them (at least until Joey shows his true colors). Or how this one employee, named Wally Franks, speaks with a very thick Brooklyn accent and uses slang common that that area. It's a brief moment of levity that makes the tension and dread of the rest of the game more manageable. Also there's one employee who's randomly Irish, which I find hilarious.

The music is for the most part, intense and foreboding. Because it's a horror game. That said, the jingle that plays when you reach the Music Department in Chapter 2 is catchy, as well as the jingle when you reach the Administration area in Chapter 5. There's also this one motif that first plays in Chapter 3 but is used again in chapters 4 and 5 that sounds mystical and somber, though I have no clue as to what kind of instrument they used to make that motif. But the best pieces of music in this game have an interesting story behind them. In every Chapter, there is a jukebox hidden somewhere, and clicking on it will play an instrumental song. What song plays depends on what Chapter you're on, though they all sound great, in my opinion. That's not the interesting part. The interesting part is that all of the songs that play on the juke boxes are instrumental covers of fan-made songs created by the Bendy and the Ink Machine fan community. Apparently Joey Drew Studios (the real life one) found those fan songs and liked them so much that were put into the game itself as Easter Eggs during a free update. You can find the original, lyrical versions of those songs on YouTube, if you're curious.

In conclusion, Bendy and the Ink Machine is a great horror game. It has clear room for improvement, and Chapter 3 specifically was mediocre compared to the rest of the game, but if Joey Drew Studios takes the lessons they learned while making this game to heart, Bendy and the Dark Revival should be even grander than the original. But is the game scary? It depends on what you define as scary. The jump scares themselves are telegraphed and scripted to occur in the exact same place, at the exact same time every playthrough, so they are only truly "scary" on a first run of the game. That said, the immediate panic you feel whenever Bendy is close by is exhilarating, since Bendy is the only creature that feels like a legitimate threat no matter how far into the game you get. Honestly, just watching Bendy walk by while in hiding is more terrifying than the actual, intentional scares. The scene in Chapter 5 where you have to out-speed a giant hand as you sail down an ink river is also stress-inducing. Again, not a true jump scare, but the stress of having to outpace something just mere feet behind you makes the experience scarier. But anyway, this is a good game to play to celebrate Halloween, or if you want to test the bravery of your friends but don't want them to hate you for it. With that being said, Bendy and the Ink Machine is on the verge of greatness. The game's not perfect, but it's fun, and if you like horror games or games inspired by older time periods, it's worth checking out.

How to celebrate Halloween, like a (nerdy) boss.

 Ah, Halloween. The one holiday that gets regularly compared to Christmas due to being the two holidays people take seriously, as well as the fact they're practically next to each other on the Calendar (no, Thanksgiving doesn't count). …Actually there's not much difference the two holidays. Both involve decorating and dressing yourself up to match a theme, and rewarding/being rewarded treats and presents. But there's something strangely magical about Halloween, the costumes, the candy, the parties, all of it comes together for a delightfully spooky (or depending on your social circle, nerdy) time. But say there's something in the world right now that makes social gatherings... Difficult... Those parties are now harder to maintain. Or maybe all is right in the world, but you want to celebrate the spooky time in peace. Well then do I have the perfect guide for you, on how to enjoy the Eve of Hallows like a boss. A Spooky, Nerdy Boss.

First step to enjoying Halloween like a (nerdy) boss, watch The Nightmare Before Christmas. And then watch it again on Christmas. Or really any time of the year. No, I'm not biased just because Nightmare Before Christmas happens to be my favorite Disney film. It's the perfect Halloween film, and yes, I do consider it a Halloween film first, and a Christmas film second. Why? Because it's about Jack Skellington, the king of Halloween, trying to make his own scarier version of Christmas, rather than Santa Claus making his own happier version of Halloween. But anyway, once you finish watching it, be sure to jam out to the all the songs from the film, especially This is Halloween. 

Next up, get yourself a Final Fantasy XIV account. Why, you ask? Because that game's Glamour system means you get to make your own Halloween costumes for your character, obviously! (I mean, it's also a pretty awesome MMORPG with 200+ hours of content to play around with, but that's not what we're here for). Plus, Final Fantasy XIV also had an actual Halloween-themed Event that upon completion, got you a bunch of Halloween-themed prizes. This game is like the best way to make virtual Halloween costumes, which is totally what Naoki Yoshida had in mind when he saved this game from certain doom seven years ago.

After that, you take your spooky levels up to the next level. That's right, you must now play through the entire Soulsborne series. Beginning with Demon's Souls, all the way to Dark Souls III. You can throw Sekiro: Shadows Dies Twice in here as well (despite it's radical changes in both game design and storytelling style), since it was also made by the From Software team, and continues the tradition of From Software games being disproportionately difficult at the beginning and gradually getting easier as you get used to the mechanics. Because From Software believes very much in the concept of tough love. But anyway, given the Gothic Horror aesthetic every game in this series runs with, literally every outfit you wear in any of these games could pass for a Halloween costume. Also, if you want to make a Haunted House, you can use most of the music from the games to set up a foreboding atmosphere. Just remember to Praise the Sun while seeking out souls, okay? Pursue Strength so the rest may follow, and Don't Give Up, Skeleton! 

But we can take the spooky levels even further beyond. Invite some friends over, teach them how to play Dungeons & Dragons, and when you all have the basics down, run the pre-written adventure Curse of Strahd. It's a spooky, horror themed adventure where the party is trapped in a freaky nightmare world where they are continually harassed by the titular Vampire King, as the party looks for a way to escape their predicament. Unless one of your players' characters came into the aforementioned nightmare world voluntarily for whatever reason (for revenge, for solitude, for science, etc.), in which case you can adjust the story as needed. I've also been told that Icewind Dale: Rime of the Frostmaiden is pretty spooky as well, though that adventure's big thing is a spooky winter, rather than a spooky vampire. Just pick whichever one piques the interest of your group more.

BUT WE CAN TAKE THE SPOOKY LEVELS EVEN FURTHER!!! Invite your friends (preferably the ones you ran Curse of Strahd with) over to binge-watch the entirety of Goosebumps. Bonus points if you have kids, so you can show them the episode with Slappy the Living Dummy and traumatize them for years to come. …That may or may not be based on an incident with my own childhood. Or you can read the books written by R. L. Stine. Either way works. Just make sure a child gets traumatized by the end of it (NOTE: don't actually traumatize a child, that's mean).

BUT WE CAN GO EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!! Steve from Minecraft was recently added to Super Smash Bros Ultimate as a DLC character (side note: STEVE FROM MINECRAFT IS IN THE BIGGEST FIGHTING GAME OF ALL TIME NOW, THIS IS THE CRAZY TIMELINE WE LIVE IN), and one of his alternate costumes is a Zombie costume. The only correct thing to do is have a 7vs1 Team Battle against a bunch of Zombie!Steves set to the highest difficulty possible, and see how long you can survive the zombie apocalypse. Bonus Points if you have Ridley team up with the Zombie!Steves. Because Ridley is an undead dragon. FROM SPACE!!! Extra Bonus Points if you play as Simon or Richter Belmont, because they come from a family of demon hunters who literally kill undead monsters for a living.

BUT WE CAN GET EVEN SPOOKIER!!! Stroll on up to your local GameStop (or equivalent store), pick up literally any horror game, and play the crab-cakes out of it. Maybe try speed-running it. I can confirm out of all the "Pro-Gamer Moves" to celebrate Halloween, this is the one that actually works. How do I know this? Because I literally strolled up to my local GameStop (or equivalent store), picked up a random horror game, and started playing that a bunch. In my case it was Bendy and The Ink Machine, a Puzzle-Horror game inspired by 30's era cartoons. It's a highly enjoyable game with a lovely art style, creepy atmosphere, and a unique story about the dangers of business mismanagement and putting your employees in dangerous, life threatening situations just because you were too greedy and started cutting corners. But anyway, you don't need to grab Bendy and the Ink Machine specifically. Like I said, literally any horror game will do. Slender: The Arrival? Check. Five Nights at Freddy's? Perfectly reasonable. Little Nightmares? Go for it.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Gee, Spencer, we've gotten pretty spooky for Halloween, there's no way we can possibly get the spookiness levels to go any higher, right?" And to that I say, there is one last thing we can do, to engage our spooky Maximum Overdrive, and achieve Peak Spookiness. What is that, you ask?

Yes. You gotta listen to Silly Symphony: The Skeleton Dance. Or, as the Internet prefers to call it, the "Spooky Scary Skeletons" song. But you have to listen to this song. Regardless of the situation. Driving to the store to pick up groceries? You gotta blast the Spooky Scary Skeletons song. Going to work? You gotta jam out to Spooky Scary Skeletons. Writing a comedic guide on the nerdiest possible ways to celebrate a holiday about being spooky? There is no reason NOT to listen to this song. (real talk, this is actually a good song).

And there's the step by step guide on how to celebrate Halloween in the nerdiest, spookiest way possible. Don't forget to make a costume, and decorate at least one room in your house with spooky things like Jack-Oh-Lanterns and fake skeletons. Your Welcome.

P.S. In case you haven't realized it yet, this whole thing is meant to be a comedic joke. You don't need to do all these things to have a good time. The only real advice I can give is make sure you and your friends are having fun, because that is ultimately what's most important for any kind of festivity, not just Halloween. Either way, enjoy this spooky time of year and may your Eve of Hallows be a ghoulishly good time.

The best adaption of Robin Hood ever: Disney's Robin Hood review!

Robin Hood. The classic, Chaotic Good outlaw hero that steals from the privileged elite to aide the struggling poor. The dude's story has been told and retold through literally every entertainment medium in existence. Manuscripts? Novels? Theatrical Plays? You name it, Robin Hood has probably appeared in it in some form. Why, you ask? Because the Robin Hood stories always have a nice, well-rounded cast of characters with simple plot hooks. You would have to be completely and utterly incompetent to screw up a story about Robin Hood. And the simplicity of Robin Hood's adventures means that writers have a lot of wiggle room as long as you adhere to the basic formula. Robin Hood gets mad at the corruption of the government, becomes a vigilante that specializes in thievery, recruits a band of like-minded burglars, and has a final showdown with Prince John and/or the Sheriff of Nottingham (or both, depending on the version).  But there's one form of Robin Hood that outshines all the others. The 1973 animated film, Disney's Robin Hood.

What's so special about this film? It turned Robin Hood into an anthropomorphic fox. This film's entire gimmick is that the characters are anthropomorphic animals. Which seems to be more of a stylistic choice, considering how little bearing is placed on the character's species outside of a few one-off jokes. Seriously, the only reason why Robin Hood is a fox is because Robin Hood's main characteristic is that he is a cunning and mischievous burglar, and foxes are often associated with cunning, mischief and thievery.

Our story begins with a rooster minstrel named Alan-a-Dale who immediately lampshades the dozens of interpretations of the Robin Hood stories, and proceeds to share the version that the Animal Kingdom follows. Alan-a-Dale narrates the entire movie, but unlike most narrators, actively interacts with the cast, and even sings some of the films more iconic songs. He's a walking framing device for this film's story, but given that Alan-a-Dale in the original myths was a minstrel/bard (a musical performer who uses music to tell a story) it works perfectly. Anyway, we are quickly introduced to our heroes, Robin Hood and Little John, walking through the forest. *singing* Laughin' back'n'forth at what the other one's got to say. Reminiscin' 'bout this an' that an' havin' such a good time, ooh-dee-lally, ooh-dee-lally golly, what a day. *talking normally* Dang, that song is catchy. Anyway, while Robin Hood and Little John are enjoying themselves, they get ambushed by the Sheriff of Nottingham, and escape after a quick chase. Which is then followed by Little John questioning the the moral ambiguity of stealing from corrupt nobility and giving the money to the poor. Naturally, Robin Hood takes a moment to remind him (and the audience) that their heists are completely justified, since they only steal money from people who are intentionally hoarding their wealth and stagnating the economy out of basic greed.

We get an introduction to Prince John (no relation to Little John), the main antagonist of the film. Prince John and his snake companion Sir Hiss tricked the king of England (King Richard the Lionheart, who apparently was an actual English king that existed in real life) into mounting a holy crusade across the countryside, while Prince John usurps the throne in his absence. And they gloat about it, because nothing says "super villain red flag" like gloating about tricking your older brother into slaughtering heretics while you shamelessly overtax the common folk to fuel your all consuming greed.

Most of Disney's Robin Hood consists of Robin Hood, Little John and their friends mostly goofing around, making Prince John look like a fool (which admittedly is not hard to do, his whole shtick is that he's a whiny man-child with an inflated ego). The film doesn't really have a major plot moving things forward, as it's more of a string of smaller adventures that just happen to connect with each other. It isn't until the final act that there are immediate stakes at risk. And it actually kind of works. If I could explain this movie with one word it would be whimsical. And that kind of whimsy is, dare I say, lost on other films of its time. Heck, this film has more feel-good vibes than most modern Disney films. Though that might be the nostalgia talking.

First thing I want to talk about, Robin Hood himself. He's portrayed as he should be; a hope-bringing trickster hero with unfathomable amounts of swagger and moxie. Also, I refuse to live in a world where Robin Hood isn't voiced by Brian Bedford, because 90% of the aforementioned charm of the character comes from his performance. Actually, the voice acting in general is really good. Everyone here brings a earnest, genuine performance in their respective roles. I will comment that there are an unusually large amount of Southern accents in this film. Normally I wouldn't comment on it, but the fact that Robin Hood is a distinctly English concept, and almost all of his stories (including this one!) take place in England. The only characters that actually speak with anything resembling an English accent are Prince John, Robin Hood himself, and Maid Marian. Speaking of...

Maid Marian is honestly the only real thing that I can criticize. Not that she herself is a bad or poorly written character, not at all. Maid Marian is Robin Hood's love interest and childhood friend. And as far as secondary female Disney characters go, she's alright. The problem with Marian is that she doesn't really get much stuff to actually do. She shows up, plays with some kids, is used as bait to lure Robin Hood to an archery contest (it makes sense in context), gets rescued/engaged with Robin Hood, and does a cute little dance with the rest of the outlaws. She rather suspiciously disappears during the final showdown between Robin Hood and Prince John's forces, and only reappears towards the end of the film, during Robin Hood's marriage. "But Spencer!" You cry. "This film was made during the 70's, and is an adaptation of a story originating from a culture that always gave the female lead the short end of the stick!" But allow me to remind you all that in the original stories (which go back as far as 1377), Maid Marian was established as an unusually competent fighter and swords(wo)man. So much so that in some versions, Marian could straight up beat Robin Hood himself in a one-vs-one sword duel (Robin Hood is usually portrayed as being the better of the two at archery, to compensate). And it makes you wonder what kind of finale we might have gotten if Marian fought alongside Robin Hood directly.

But the most important thing about the relationship between Robin Hood and Maid Marian is that IT'S NOT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!!! …Unless you count "childhood friends being separated for years only to reunite and rekindle their love for each other" as love at first sight. I don't. And childhood friend romance is a trope that I will gladly take over love at first sight. But that's not the point. The point is, it's one of the few classic Disney romances I actually like. It just feels a bit more genuine or believable to me. Also, really quick side note. Maid Marian is stated to be the niece of both Prince John and King Richard. But she's a fox, and they are both lions. So either she was adopted or somebody on that family tree has some interesting genetics. That's all I'm going to say on the matter. Yes, I know that the reason she's a fox is to make the romance between her and Robin Hood look less weird. Just a fun(?) bit of useless trivia you may not have realized.

But let's talk about Prince John for a moment. I absolutely adore him as a villain, but not because he's a hyper competent Dark Lord or something. He's a greedy, self-centered ill-tempered brat with mommy issues. And Prince John was a real life person, who was greedy, self-centered, ill-tempered, and had mommy issues. It's weirdly realistic to how he was in life. The only change they made was the removal of his shameless womanizing, which most likely was removed to keep the film family friendly. But anyway, Prince John is honestly one of the funniest Disney villains. He is by far the least intimidating, and the least complex, but sometimes you just want a Doofenshmirtz style villain you can laugh at. If I want a serious, complex Disney villain, I'd watch Hunchback of Notre Dame for Judge Frollo. 

The supporting cast is pretty good. You have Alan-a-Dale narrating the whole film, but he physically interacts with the cast, even helping Friar Tuck apprehend a sneaky Sir Hiss during the archery contest. Friar Tuck meanwhile is doing everything he can to help the people of Nottingham through his church an faith, and serves as a more lawful counterpart to Robin Hood. Also, a quick side note, I always thought Friar Tuck was supposed to be a mole when I watched this film as a kid, but it turns out he's actually a badger. Anyway, I also liked the kids, who have grown to idolize Robin Hood, and one of them even has a kid-sized bow and hat to emulate Robin's ensemble. The Sheriff of Nottingham (yes I do have to call him that since no version of the Robin Hood story ever specifies his name) is very much a love-to-hate antagonist. He's a heartless jerk that routinely harasses the townsfolk of Nottingham to "collect taxes" even though this really just amounts to unjust robbery. I mean, the dude demands that Friar Tuck pays the taxes on his church. In medieval England. The same country and time period where the church was exempt from taxation. Of course, this is also the time period where the Pope had more political power than the entire Royal Family combined and could easily order the Sheriff to be hanged (or worse) for the sheer audacity of demanding tax payment from a man of the cloth, but if the Pope was in this movie, a lot of the film's plot simply wouldn't happen.

As for the animation and art, it's decent, beautiful even, though it definitely shows its age. You know that weird visual effect on older 2D animations where the edges look just ever so slightly blurry and you don't really notice it until someone else points it out and then it starts bugging you? That happens a lot in this film. But the character designs are charming, and the character's mannerisms are vibrant and expressive. I also like the visual humor and comedy in the film, such as Robin awkwardly walking around in stilts as part of a disguise. Or the fact that the English Royal Family (sans Maid Marian) are portrayed by lions, and what's a lion for being? The KING of the jungle! Though of course, I have to mention the recycled animation. Disney's Robin Hood had (at the time) the smallest budget of any Disney film ever (about $150 million, which would be closer to 3 or 4 million dollars by today's standards), and there were some shortcuts taken to save time and resources. Namely the dance scene when the Nottingham residents sing "The Phony King of England" reuses animation clips and poses from both Snow White & The Seven Dwarves and The Aristocrats. Not all of it was recycled, and unless you somehow get a side by side comparison, you probably won't notice it. It's still a neat thing to think about, though, and doesn't really detract from the experience.

In regards to music and sound, it's soundtrack is very country-inspired, with a lot of lutes and whistling. The only real exception to this rule is "Love" which is the song that's performed during Robin Hood and Marian's romantic stroll through the forest. It's a more traditional ballad that honestly sounds like a 30's-40's era Disney song. Not that that's a bad thing. I already mentioned the voice acting, and sound design in general adds a certain charm to the film.

Overall, Disney's Robin Hood is a wonderful family film that's nice to sit down with your nostalgic friends who want to reminisce about both this and that, and have such a good time. It's not a complex story that needs further analysis to find meaning. What you see is what you get; Robin Hood and his friends running circles around a spoiled prince and his goons, while also helping out struggling commoners everywhere they can. Throw in a romantic subplot for good measure. There's not a whole lot you can actually criticize about the film, aside from Marian's lack of impact in the finale and arguably the reused animations for the dance scene (some people view it as a neat little Easter egg for hardcore Disney fans). With that being said, Disney's Robin Hood is "Good Enough to Make a Grown Man Cry, and That's OK." If you like Robin Hood, anthropomorphic animals, or both, go watch this film. …Okay, I acknowledge that this film probably won't make you cry, it's not a particularly sad or emotional experience. But I rate things based on movie quotes, and Officer Earl from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is a goldmine of memorable quotes.

What your favorite video game says about YOU! Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

 The long awaited(?) sequel to the post that started this ridiculous mini-series. Now featuring better descriptions, more games, and dumber jokes. For obvious reasons, I'll try to avoid covering games that were in the original, but if there is overlap, it's because the series got a new entry since the original post. Also, keep in mind most of these descriptions are intended for comedy, and are by no means intended to offend anybody. Without further delay, here's Part 2 of What your Favorite Video Game says about YOU!

Crash Bandicoot: You had no idea what a Bandicoot even was until you started playing these games.

Spongebob Squarepants: Battle for Bikini Bottom: You're nostalgic for that weird time period during the 2000's where every other popular TV show got a video game adaptation. Unfortunately, Battle for Bikini Bottom is the only one that managed to age well.

Astral Chain: You always wanted a cyberpunk anime starring police officers. This is as close as you're gonna get.

Final Fantasy XIV: You're either a disgruntled World of Warcraft fan that migrated over to this game because you feel that World of Warcraft's quality is slowly worsening, or you're a longtime Final Fantasy fan that always wanted a MMORPG set in the Final Fantasy universe.

Five Nights at Freddy's: Be honest, if it wasn't for Internet theorists and lore explanation videos, you would have no idea what's even going on in this series. You also probably listen to the many, many, MANY fan songs that the community keeps making. Seriously, for a horror game fandom, the community is surprisingly talented when it comes to music.

ToonTown Online: You grew up playing this game back when it was still a thing, and really love slapstick comedy and rubber-hose animation. Naturally, an MMO combining the two was a match made in heaven.

Octopath Traveler: You think the name sounds a little strange, but love the "Eight Story Campaigns in One Game" gimmick this game has. Your favorite character will, without fail, be whichever one you started with.

Ratchet & Clank: You always wanted to play a shooter game as a kid, but this was the only game you were old enough to play. Now you hold a lot of nostalgia for this cat and robot dynamic duo.

 

Halo: You wish you were as cool as the Master Chief. Or you watched so much Halo: Red Vs Blue that you can quote literally any episode from memory.

Uncharted: You got into this franchise because it's basically "Indiana Jones On Steroids."

Night in the Woods: The cutesy cartoon animal art style and relaxing music could not prepare you for the emotional roller coaster that is living two weeks in the life of a cat girl from the American Rust Belt, who is having a quarter-life crisis after dropping out of college, who may or may not have some kind of untreated mental illness. But most importantly, YOU HAVE NIGHTMARE EYES!!!

Valiant Hearts: The Great War: Nothing can convince you that this is not the saddest game ever made. Also, you like learning about real life history.

Overwatch: You either care way too much about competitive E-Sports, or you don't give a single crab-cake  about it. If in the latter group, chances are the main reason you like this series is because of cool sci-fi/superhero world-building and lore, and also because of the aesthetically pleasing character designs. There's a good chance that if Blizzard Entertainment announced a full-length animated Overwatch movie made in the same style as the ten-minute shorts used to promote the game, you would watch it the moment it comes out.

X-COM: You've lost a few good men and women in the fight against the alien menace. Unless you save scum to bring your old soldiers back from the dead. You coward. I'm joking, play the game however you want.

inFAMOUS: This franchise scratches that "overpowered superhero" fantasy you've had since you were a child, that licensed superhero games simply weren't fulfilling.

Rayman: The fact that Ubisoft sidelined their own mascot in favor of the Raving Rabbids for years frustrated you to no end. At least they started giving Rayman more stuff to do recently.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses: You can, and will, write out long, thorough essays about why Edelgard did nothing wrong and that her rebellion against the Church of Seiros was justified. Or you can, and will, write out long, thorough essays about how Dimitri's fall from grace and eventual redemption makes him the best written character in not just Fire Emblem but video games in general. Or you just want to make dumb jokes about everything Claude says or does.

A Hat in Time: You like games that look cute on the surface, but are actually pretty dark when you delve deeper.

Dark Souls: You view the act of playing hard video games as an art, to hone and improve. So what better game to test your skill, than the franchise that uses its intense difficulty as a selling point? You're also spiritually linked to Five Nights at Freddy's fans, in the sense that the lore is so ambiguous and open to personal interpretation that you're going to need to do some Internet sleuthing to make sense of it.

Horizon: Zero Dawn: You were drawn to this game for a lot of reasons. The post-apocalyptic setting, the interesting lore and world-building, the dinosaur-inspired robot designs, and a female protagonist that doesn't look like a supermodel with an impossibly curvy body, who actually dresses in practical armor when in battle. Said heroine is also a walking hurricane of sarcasm and witty banter. Which is always a good thing.

And that will do it for the second part of What your favorite Video Game says about YOU! If you somehow did not find a game here that you like, feel free to tell me what your favorite game is so I can come up with a dumb joke about it. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this ongoing series, because I have way too many of these posts in draft form.