"But Wait!" you ask. "If you don't own a 3DS, and the Generation 7 Pokemon anime season isn't on Netflix yet, how on earth are you going to rate the Pokemon!?" Well I'll tell you. This list, arguably my most subjective, will be based on the Pokemon's designs and bios. That's it. Additionally, I will make this in NO order as per usual. Without further delay, let's do this!
Drampa. It's a dragon grandpa. And it bears an uncanny resemblance to Falcor from The Never Ending Story. Drampa also is NINE FEET TALL. Nine feet. That's 2.7432 meters! When I saw that size I was so sure that Drampa would be the Alolan Pseudo-Legendary. For those of you who do not what I'm talking about, a Pseudo-Legendary Pokemon is a Pokemon with ludicrously high stats and are normally 6 ft or taller. The reason they aren't considered actually Legendary is because they don't play an active role in the story of the game they make their debut in (unless you catch one and use it on your team!). But as it turns out, Drampa isn't the Pseudo-Legendary for Generation 7. It's bio is also pretty cool. According to the bio, Drampa are gentle herbivores that normally live in the mountains but will come down to visit children. This thing loves children. However, it is also said to fly into a rage if a child it cares for is hurt. It's bio also takes that Drampa is strong enough to push down buildings, but considering the Pokedex tells you that Ho-Oh has rainbow colored wings when it clearly doesn't makes me think that this is a load of *Beryllium Balogna (Or Cesium Salami, your choice).
I don't care what you say, Internet! There's nothing wrong with having Pokemon based off of inanimate objects! Case in point: Palossand. It's a haunted sand castle. Nuff said! But in all seriousness, Palossand is a Pokemon that not only has a fun concept but is also sure to infuriate **Genwunners! But anyway, with such a fun concept for a Pokemon, I'm confident that it's bio will be just as fun!
Well, that is really dark. And before you ask, this is the actual bio! Not the website bio, but the actual in-game Pokedex entry! Seriously, it's like Gaara from Naruto created this thing! Well, Gaara prior to the Chunin Exams Arc. That Gaara is a cold-blooded killer. Modern Day Gaara is a total nice guy. He even runs an entire village!
Ah, Marowak. The evolved form of the saddest Pokemon ever. Now it has an Alola form. If you didn't read my "Final thoughts" post, an Alola form is a redesign of a Pokemon from a previous Generation that gives the Pokemon new abilities, Types, and a complete makeover. Basically, turning old Pokemon into New Pokemon! But back on topic. Alola!Marowak is flipping AWESOME!!!! Look at this thing! Lie to the UNIVERSE and say that Marowak doesn't look cool. From having a super cool black and grey color-scheme, to have a bone-staff with flames on the ends to even a cool Typing! It's a Fire/Ghost Type in case you are curious. Also, I'm not the only one who realized that Alolan Marowak is supposed to be a Hawaiian Fire Dancer, right? Please tell me I wasn't the only one to notice that.
When I saw Rockruff, my reaction was something along the lines of "Aww, look at the cute lil' puppy!". And then I read it's bio. Surprisingly heartwarming stuff! It's forever loyal to it's Trainer and the only time it leaves it's Trainer's side is to evolve. But what exactly does Rockruff become? Well, if you have Pokemon Sun, you get this.
The rock wolf Lycanroc (Midday Mode)! Which not only looks pretty dang awesome, it also continues the trend of heartwarming bios. It claims that if a Trainer can put up with Lycanroc's more mischievous behavior when it was a Rockruff it will follow that Trainer's commands dutifully and will be a loyal and trustworthy companion. But what happens when the sun goes down?
Introducing Lycanroc Midnight Mode! Lycanroc only becomes this if you evolve Rockruff while playing Pokemon Moon. In addition to rockin' (geddit!?) the most epic hair you will ever see, Lycanroc is a werewolf now (OBVIOUSLY!!!). It (kind of) breaks the trend of heartwarming bios, since it clearly states that this Pokemon craves battle. It also says that despite being the dark side of the Rockruff family, even this thing has SOME moral standards. It refuses to obey orders it doesn't agree with, and will hate you for forcing it to fight unnecessary fights. Which sounds kind of hypocritical, considering that Midnight!Lycanroc loves to fight. Speaking of which, WHY ON EARTH IS MIDNIGHT!LYCANROC NOT A DARK TYPE!? It's still a pure Rock type, just like Midday!Lycanroc. But which Lycanroc is better? Well, Midday!Lycanroc is loyal and trustworthy, and puts more emphasis on speed, by evidenced by it's stats as well as it's signature attack, Accelrock (it always goes first). Midnight!Lycanroc, in a twist of irony, puts more thought into defense and countering (heck, it's signature attack is literally called "Counter"). As for me, I prefer Lycanroc's Midnight form to it's Midday form, mostly because Midnight!Lycanroc's hair is amazing. Oh, and Midnight!Lycanroc does a non-verbal "Come at me, bruh!" while fighting. Does Midday!Lycanroc do a non-verbal "Come at me, bruh!" while fighting? No. It doesn't. So Midnight!Lycanroc is superior.
Another cute Pokemon! Meet Jangmo'o. Yes. it has a colon in it's name. It's also named after the Mo'o, a mythical dragon from Hawaiian mythology ("Mo'o" means "Dragon"!). So it gets bonus points simply for being named after a mythical dragon! It's bio makes it sound even cooler. It states that ALL Jangmo'o (the plural is the same as the singular!) have the pride of a valiant warrior and spend every day training to become stronger, while also remaining humble about it's capabilities.But wait it gets better!
This is the evolved from of Jangmo'o, Hakamo'o. It's bio makes it out to be even cooler than Jangmo'o. It states that Hakamo'o lets out a battle cry before challenging an opponent, and actively seeks out Pokemon that it considers to be a worthy opponent. The scales on it's body are much more durable (it has BULLETPROOF AS A PASSIVE ABILITY!). However, in the event that it's armor gets damaged, it views the wounds as proof of how valiantly it fought and likes showing off the battle scars to it's friends. But wait! If all of this didn't convince this Pokemon family is awesome, this will!
This right here is the True Pseudo-Legendary of Alola, Kommo'o. Firstly, look at this thing and tell me that is NOT a cool looking dragon! Plus, it's a Dragon/Fighting Type, and the first of it's kind! And it's bio takes the coolness and turns it up to eleven. It states that when a Hakamo'o evolves into Kommo'o, the training that started when it was a Jangmo'o is now complete. It returns to the place where it was born and trains other Jangmo'o in the ways of the warrior. Also, it downright REFUSES to fight anything weaker than itself. Now that is what I call a code of honor! The only downside of Kommo'o is that it has a 4x weakness to Fairy attacks. Thankfully, Kommo'o goes from being bulletproof to Soundproof. Soundproof is a passive ability that gives the Pokemon in question an immunity to any sound based attack. And the most powerful Fairy Attack is Hyper Voice (it's normally a Normal Type attack but if a Fairy Type with the passive ability Pixilate uses it Hyper Voice becomes a Fairy Type attack). Which is a SOUND based attack. What does Soundproof do again? So yeah. In addition to being the coolest Pseudo-Legendary since Hydreigon, Kommo'o is also good at Fairy-Proofing itself.
Ah, Ninetales. The only majorly good Sun exclusive Pokemon. While Ninetales does have a nice design, there are two problems. One, if you have a background that is any color except black Alolan Ninetales turns invisible. And two. It's not in Pokemon Moon. But you know what is?
Alolan Sandslash! Although we have to call it Snowslash now because it dumped it's Ground Type when it moved to Alola. Let's get the only downside out of the way. If it gets it by a Fire Type attack, Alolan!Sandslash/Snowslash will die in one hit because it has a 4x weakness to Fire thanks to it's Ice/Steel type. But on the plus side, it can roll around at the speed of sound, 'cuz it has places to go and has to follow it's rainbow. Just follow me, set me free, together we can escape from the city! I'm sorry for the impromptu singing but everytime I look at Alolan!Sandslash the only thing I can think of is "Escape from the City" (such a catchy song...). Good grief I'm turning into my mom with the singing... It's bio isn't anything special. It lives in the mountains alongside Dragon Grandpa, and because of the spiky bits on it's back it's a little bit slower than a regular Sandslash.
Here comes Salandit. It's name is a pun on "salamander" and "bandit". Which is a weird name because nothing in it's bio mentions it displaying bandit-like traits. I guess it's wearing a bandit mask, sort of. But the main reason this Pokemon is on this list is because it is literally the Awesome Sauce face turned into a lizard. That, or the Troll-face. Pick your poison (Poison Type puns, yay!). But Salandit has a brand-new passive ability called Corrosion which lets it poison ANYTHING. Even things that are normally IMMUNE to poison. Metagross giving you a hard time? Salandit's got you covered! A pesky Golbat harassing you while you explore some caves? Send in the Salandit. And because of it's Poison/Fire Typing, we can officially declare Salandit is the designated fairy killer. Although it's bio is somewhat creepy and somewhat funny. The funny part (at least I think it's funny) is the fact that it can release toxic fumes from the base of it's tail. I'll just leave you to figure out why I find it a little bit funny. The creepy part comes from the fact that female Salandit can hypnotize any male. That includes male Pokemon and male humans. ...What is with Generation 7 and having weirdly dark Pokedex entries? At least it gets a cool evolved form.
Meet Salazzle. This Pokemon is basically what happens when you take a dragon and make it supernaturally sassy. And notably feminine. It loses the ability to control males of any species (thankfully!), but it still is quite the charmer, as evidenced by the fact that Salazzle are, according to the bio, often accompanied by dozens of male Salandit (all Salazzle are girls, by the way). Because nature, Salazzle here is also a very powerful Pokemon that can take care of Fairy types and Steel types with ease (among other things). But good luck getting this extremely sassy dinosaur/dragon/lizard/reptile thing since only female Salandit can evolve into Salazzle (because the boys aren't Salazzling!). Oh, and the gender ratio for Salandit is 87.5% male, 12.5% female. So you must get EXTREMELY lucky to get a lady lizard to evolve into the sass-dragon. And if you get a **SHINY female Salandit... Well, you are a true Pokemon Master if you can do that. Only downside to Salazzle is that it loses the Awesome Sauce face upon evolving. At least it still has a smug smirk (or is it a flirty smirk? It might actually be a flirty smirk now that I'm looking at it). Oh, and it looks like one of the best dragons in the universe.
Cynder from Spyro!
Seriously. If you take Cynder, remove the wings and horns, and teach her how to walk on two legs, she could easily pass for a Salazzle. Heck, one of Cynder's elements in Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon actually is Poison. But as far as I'm aware, Cynder lacks any form of fire abilities. Yeah, she's a dragon that can't breathe fire. Go figure. Although when she made her debut in Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning, Cynder was planned to have a green-colored fire breath attack. The reason she doesn't in the final game is because green is the color for the Earth element, and Cynder cannot use Earth element magic. That didn't stop them from making the Poison element in Dawn of the Dragon, which was lime green in color (Earth was dark green in that game!). But I digress.
To be honest, Muk wasn't the most interesting thing out there. It's literally a pile of slime! But then Generation 7 graced it with Alolan Muk! It's a living rainbow covered in diamonds! How epic is that!? It's like a half melted disco ball! I can just imagine going to a party and somebody whips out an Alolan Muk and the diamonds reflect the party lights and it everyone uses it as an actual disco ball. Alolan Muk? More like Party Time Muk!
For years, they have been mocked...
For years, they were shunned...
But now it's time...
FOR THEIR REVENGE.
Enter Lunala, the mother of all bat Pokemon. If you get Pokemon Moon, this will be the first Generation 7 Pokemon that you will see. Why? Because Lunala is the mascot, and as such, is on the cover of the box. Lunala is interesting. This came very close to being a tie with it's Sun counterpart Solgaleo, but I decided that a GIANT BAT POWERED BY MOONLIGHT is infinitely cooler than a lion who, despite being the embodiment of the Sun, is weak to Fire. But on the topic of weak Pokemon, Lunala will make you regret making fun of the dopey bat Pokemon from the previous Generations. Something I will mention that makes ZERO sense to me is that it's Pokedex entry states that Lunala is female. In the actual game, however, it is a genderless Pokemon. Because all Legendary Pokemon must be genderless. Why? To make sure you don't build an army of Legendary Pokemon through the day care (the day care can give eggs that will hatch into any Pokemon as long as the Pokemon can have a gender!). So there's that. It also has some surprisingly high stats, clocking with a base stat total of 680. That's 137 Health, 113 Attack, 89 Defense, another 137 Special Attack, 107 Special Defense, and 97 Speed, in case you were curious.
Before I unveil my favorite Generation 7 Pokemon, I'll have you know that this list was very difficult to make. There are that many good Pokemon. So here are some honorable mentions of the Pokemon I considered but decided the others were just a tiny bit better. If you want to learn more about the honorable mentions, you can visit Bulbapedia, the Pokemon wiki.
- Decidueye. The most popular final form for a Starter in a long time. Basically Green Arrow turned into an owl.
- Wishiwashi. A fish that can turn into a giant watery monstrosity so strong even Gyarados is terrified of this thing. It's stats are somehow higher than most Legendary Pokemon when it transforms. And it's not even a Pseudo-Legendary!
- Solgaleo. The Pokemon Sun mascot and the "male" counterpart to Lunala. It's a lion that is the embodiment of the sun, but is weak to Fire. So in the wise words of ***Dr. Doofenshmirtz... "SET FIRE TO THE SUN!!!"
- Mimikyu. A sad Pokemon that is a sad ghost wearing a sad Pikachu costume. So sad.
- Bruxish. ****President Snow, but turned into a fish.
- Golispod. It's literally the *****Predator. Need I explain more?
- Vikavolt. It's a beetle with a rail-gun. ON IT'S FACE!!!!
- Turtonator. Because it's A HERO IN A HALF SHELL!!! TURTLE POWER!!!
- Basically all of the Ultra Beasts. Mysterious aliens from another dimension that break the laws of reality pre-regularly? Sign me up!
- Pikipek. In addition to being the first ever Generation 7 Pokemon ever seen, it is also ******Pearl turned into a woodpecker.
I know everyone is probably going to hate me for saying this, but Popplio is my favorite out of the Alola starters. For one, look at it's evolved form. It's such a regal and elegant Pokemon! And secondly, it looks like Lailah from Tales of Zestiria. Which is a plus in my book. And finally, Primarina can use the Spirit Bomb from Dragon Ball Z. Can the macho wrestler cat do a Spirit Bomb? No! Can Green Arrowl do a Spirit Bomb? No! Only Primarina is strong enough to do a Spirit Bomb and thus it is the best! You can tell from my calm demeanor that this TOTALLY isn't a biased opinion. But still. It's a mermaid sea lion Lailah that can Spirit Bomb. Oh, and it's also a singer/actress.Your Argument has never been more Invalid. You know, now that I'm really thinking about it, Primarina is more like that mermaid from The Little Mermaid. You know! The redhead. Honestly don't know her name, but combine her with Lailah and then throw in some sea lions and some pearls and you have Primarina. But basically, Popplio is the best, and Primarina proves that.
And those are just 10 Pokemon that I think prove my statement that Generation 7 is one of the best Generations yet as far as the Pokemon themselves are concerned. If you have a favorite Pokemon from Pokemon Sun & Moon then let me know.
*- That was reference to the original 80's era Transformers cartoon, in case you were wondering.
**Genwunner. People who proudly, and obnoxiously, claim that the only good Pokemon games were the original Pokemon Red & Blue. They are notorious for complaining endlessly that newer Generations are ruining Pokemon and one of their most frequent gripes is the large quantity of Pokemon based off of inanimate objects. Which is extremely hypocritical, since Genwunners praise the original 151 for having the best designs even though Generation 1 had just as many inanimate object-themed Pokemon as every other Generation. They also like complaining about just about every new thing that is in a Pokemon game, such as the sprint button, wireless trading, and a day/night system. Most people love ticking these guys off, and there are some legitimate improvements the games have made since the originals. From actually have a full color pallete, to nigh-infinite item storage, to the removal of game-breakingly bad glitches. So are the Genwunners actually nostalgia-blinded manchildren stuck in the 90's? Or are they actually correct in claiming only Generation 1 is actually good? Well, literally all of my favorite Pokemon come from Generations 2-6, so they are obviously in the wrong.
***- Shiny. In almost every Pokemon game, every time you run into a wild Pokemon it has a 1/4000 (yes, that is the exact ratio) chance of being a different color than the regular version of that Pokemon, as well as having a nifty particle effect every time it appears. This is known as a Shiny Pokemon. While they are a different color and are extremely rare, they have the same stats as their regular counterparts, so no gameplay benefits will be had if you miraculously have a full team of them aside from bragging rights. Sun & Moon makes it easier to get Shiny Pokemon thanks to an item known as the Shiny Charm, that will basically double the odds of finding a Shiny. using this, alongside other methods like chain battling, can lower the chances to 1/300.
****- Dr. Doofenshmirtz. The main villain of the cartoon Phineas & Ferb.
****- President Snow. The main villain of the novel trilogy The Hunger Games. I'm not sure if Bruxish looks like the movie version of President Snow, since I haven't seen the movies (yet), or what Snow looks like in the movies.
*****- The Predator. The main villain of, well, The Predator.
******- Pearl. One of the four main heroes of the cartoon Steven Universe. Betcha you were expecting another villain reference here, eh?